One Guy's Opinion: Here's the Closet, Clay...

(Getty Images) ...do us a favor and go back in.

Well, "in" being a relative term in Clay Aiken's universe. He has, after all, decided to grace us gays with his brotherhood and announce his sexuality to the world. Via People magazine of course...the medium of choice for the newly gay!

But besides being a cover boy like Neil Patrick Harris and Lance Bass before him, the chronology of Aiken's coming out feels vastly different. Both Harris and Bass decided to come out once rumors of their sexuality became virtually impossible to avoid. Not only has Aiken avoided coming out despite rumors for the past six years, he's been vehement in his denial of them.

(Getty Images) And don't blame American Idol. He rose to fame as a dweeb, not as a gay guy (remember "Geek to Chic"?). It was his dorky naivete coupled with a strangely confident vocal ability that turned trailer park grannies everywhere into creaming Claymates.  It was in the aftermath of A.I., as he became something of a phenom and began slowly morphing into Barry Manilow that he became his own worst enemy.

There were rumors aplenty to be sure. An chat room boyfriend, the eyebrows, the lack of a girlfriend...and then there was the attitude. When questioned about his sexuality in a 2006 interview with Diane Sawyer, he snipped, "that's just rude".  Then earlier this year in an interview with Newsweek, Aiken got all diva, refusing to answer questions about his fight on a flight and the Kelly Ripa hand-over-her-mouth incident. "I thought Newsweek would be more reputable," he snaps. "I'm surprised." (Watch the clip below).

What always gotten my goat about Aiken is this attitude of defiance, acting as though we all agreed with him that it was ok for him to live by two sets of rules, but we had to obey his rules. But I'm willing to give the guy a break. Maybe he was genuinely out of touch with his sexuality (though he was already passive-aggressively covering it up as early as July 2003 when he told Rolling Stone: "One thing I've found of people in the public eye, either you're a womanizer or you've got to be gay. Since I'm neither one of those, people are completely concerned about me.") I'd like to think that his time on Broadway has helped him realize it's ok to be gay, especially when you are sitting on a pile of money far away from any real-world danger associated with coming out. Or maybe he saw how coming out has actually helped Harris' and Bass' careers.

Do I really want him to go back in the closet? No, of course not. But do I think we need to hold a ticker-tape parade for him? Hell no. He's practically made a second-career out of denying he was gay - now we're supposed to welcome him with open arms? Puhleease. I'm happy for him (I guess) and truly hope that he finds happiness. But that sound you hear? No it's not the sound of a million Claymates' hearts breaking; it's the sound of a million gay men saying, "He's gay? No s@#$".

How do you feel about Aiken's coming out? Reason to celebrate or just roll your eyes, Simon Cowell-style?

Comments

[Reddeath064]

Any man who when asked directly what his orientation is that answers with a lie is no role model or hero for gay teens or for anyone. He lied out and out lied pardon the pun. I wont welcome him with open arms as a gay man, only get rid of his cd's and posters and say hey another liar is out and another man lost all the respect he was was gaining. I mean I know alot of peope suspected it but, thats bad human behavior to suspect guilt of another person. I believed him when we spoke and we he said hes not that way, hes not gay and all that trust is gone. I wont be emailing or calling that guy again. Not for a while when the betrayal and hurt goes away.

[Ftnofyth]

What comes shining through in this article is mostly Clarke Hamlin's inhumanity and lack of kindness. Cut Clay a break, for heaven's sake--he is only in his mid-20s. He's not some septuagenarian toe-tapping married conservative Senator who has spent many decades denying his homosexuality to the direct detriment of our human rights. Clay is just a flawed gay man raised in a homophobic society. Like most of the rest of us, it took him a while to get over the mental barricades that he grew up surrounded by. Most of us denied for way too long that we were gay. It's just that most of the rest of us just didn't have a chance to do it in such a public way. Give Clay a break. He never took a sham bride, stood up in front of a justice of the peace and swore fidelity to her--when he could have, so easily, like thousands of other popular gay entertainers who have women swooning over him right and left. Give him credit for that, please--and acknowledge that it took some character on his part to resist that easy path of more damaging denial. As it was, his other denials did very little direct harm to anyone, and now he is clearly trying to do his part to undo that harm.

[tucson1964]

Ftnofyth:

Actually he is right. Why should we give special thanks to someone wanting to use us to advance his/her career? Once one gay actor/actress comes out, they all come out of the woodwork. We should be asking ourselves how will this affect the outcome of the marriage laws around the country?

[Jeff]

I have yet to read the article but I don't think Clay is trying to advance his career using the gay label. Last time I checked it's a downer to be gay in the United States.

I can't believe gay people won't cut this guy some slack. I lied when I was closeted too. I'll never understand why gay people think it's such a bad thing for someone to want to keep his private life private.

If Clay was running for office it would be different. This guy was thrust onto the national stage after American Idol. He didn't go out and ask for fame...it came to him, quite by chance.

At this point he's just a celeb who should be given his privacy. For Pete's sake, didn't we ask the Supreme Court to get the Federal Govt. out of our bedrooms in 2003? Now it's OK for us to be in Clay's bedroom? Come on gays...get a life.

[Jeremy]

First off

Jeff, Clay auditioned for AI, it was not a sudden knock on his door with a microphone shoved in his face. He asked for the fame, he fought for the fame. Just like everyone else on that stage before and since. Why would you go on national TV if it was not for fame?

Second, I personally am upset with Clay for denying who he is. I don't understand why 'newer' gay celebrities have to hide anyway. I understand the older established "I have been married 10 times and adopted 40 kids" celebrities, however such as with others like Rock Hudson it will all come out when you die.

Anyway back to what I was saying...to the newer younger celebs COME OUT ALREADY!! Many teens and twenty something’s really don't give a Sh!! so why it is a big deal? The teens and twenty something’s are the ones providing most of your salary anyway... but I guess it doesn’t matter no celebrity will read this they are all "straight"… till they die.

[aaron]

So, no one's surprised? But people are now miffed. If it was expected why get bent over it? I think his language about coming out was infinitely more elegant than the bitter criticism of the "inclusive" gay society. He IS a role model because he is NOT a model for any other person than himself. I don't think we need to encourage people to come out as soon as they can to people magazine, although it is nice to have discussion on the point. Can't we just admit that its a sensitive subject for most families and young people? sheesh!!!

BTW... if it is trailer trash grannies that originally supported Clay, what exactly does he owe us gays? Seems like some of us expect something for nothing.

[PAUL!]

Its funny how over the years clay aiken has developed into a fusion of ellen degenerous, rod stewart, kojo, and barry mannilo, yet still manages to look like a pixy.

[Jeff]

Jeremy,

You missed my main point. Who gives a shit that he's famous. What he does with his private life is just that...PRIVATE.

I just don't get why gays think it's THEIR business what ANYONE does with their life! I mean why is it our business? Someone please explain that to me...I just don't understand why if Clay is gay, str8 or a-sexual is our business.

I speak from experience, I had an older gay man berate me for not coming out to my family on HIS time-line. Well it was no surprise to me that coming out seriously damaged my relationship for many years. Yes things have gotten better, but my family and I needed time to adjust to me being out to them. Has it ever occurred to the gays that preach "out out damn gay" that maybe Clay and his family needed time to adjust to this truth?

Come on, let's stop acting like it's no big deal to people! It is...if I'm not mistaken Clay comes from a deeply conservative religious family. I'm certain he had to take his family's feelings and reaction into consideration before zipping out of the closet.

At the end of the day it remains no one's business but Clay's why don't gays get that??!??!

[Navyqueer]

Does anyone remember John Paulus? no? ok how bout "quarter turns"? if those don't ring a bell then you sure haven't been following the whole Clay Aiken is gay drama...lets all bow our heads for a moment of silence for John for actually letting Clay put his dick in him...i mean come on John you're fuckin hot, why Clay Aiken...and please admit you kept the towel for proof you slept with him

[Ramon]

I know that many of us have denied being gay in the past. So I have no problem with the fact that he denied being gay, even as vehemently as he did. However, it would not be fair for him to come out now as if he just realized he was gay, with no explanation as to why he denied being gay in the past. We're not so stupid as to believe that he all of a sudden realized he was gay and came out. For those of us who have denied being gay in the past, most of us knew we were gay even while we were denying it to others and I'm sure it was the same for Clay. He's going to need address why it was so difficult for him to come out and why he denied being gay so vigorously because it could help others in his situation.

[Sheldon]

Why is it that being gay is a private matter, but you can be straight everywhere, all the time? The mere fact of gayness is no more a private matter than the mere fact of straightness. Now who you're having sex with and how you're having sex with him or her or them is most certainly a private matter.

But when we can expect the press to freely report on who's dating whom, who's breaking up with whom, who's pregnant by whom, who's divorcing whom to shack up with whomever, it only acts as a further stigma when they do it for straight people, but there's a code of silence called privacy when it comes to gay people.

The day the press adopts a code of "don't ask, don't tell" for straight people, then and only then will someone's sexual orientation become a private matter. Until then, to say that the mere fact of being gay or straight or bisexual or whether a transsexual is pre- or post-op is a private matter, is patently ridiculous to me.

Stop reporting on celebrities having babies. I don't want to know what goes on in their bedrooms.

[Ty McBride]

I would not have blow Clay then or now. The only show I will pay to see is when Clay Aiken Signs a deal with Ricardo Martin to do a live mud wrestling tour. Both men will wear very small swimsuits and battle in mud. The winner will perform a hit single. The looser will have to perform a song chosen by the winner. This event will by Hosted by Anderson Cooper--and refereed by Kevin Spacey. After the title fight they will all "publicly come out.: Gays everywhere will judge, women will cry and straight men will be confused.

[Jonathan]

Well...this disbelief about how gay men are reacting negatively to Aiken coming out has to do with the fact that deep down most gay guys are hypocrites. We go to the same 'Pride' events celebrating our being different amongst many men who we've slept with and pretend we don't know; then we look down at other men at the event who aren't 'good enough' for us to talk to, we treat each other like shit! And yet we are at this Pride thing with the slogan that we're all in this together united or something. That's such a lie. If straight people really know how gay men picked each other apart (and how much we love to see other gay men fail) the respect for us as a people would drop like a lead balloon.

Our other problem for the most part is self-centered. We grew up protecting our secret that we never understood that there are others who have problems and not everyone has the same survival skills we had. We have very unrealistic expectations of other gay men - look at how many GLBT teens drop out of high school - yet in the dating scene, I see ads that expect the guy to have a masters degree, lots of money, new cars, a great condo; last time I checked a GED won't buy you any of those things. Our expectations for other gay men exceed lifestyles that we would ever be able to provide for ourselves - yet we somehow forget that (and it's sad to have to remind the gay community of this) underneath the insults, the sleeping around and then not even acknowledging someone's existence the next day, the cheating, the relationships that are mostly down the toilet within a year; the gay community has a heartbeat and there are real human feelings and emotions involved. We've gotten to the point where (especially online) we do not see other gay men as human beings, but as product - with a value and worth based on productivity and demand. No wonder 90% of gay relationships don't make it past the two year mark.

[Lamare]

I'm actually happy that Clay is gay. And I still love his voice. Coming out is a process that everyone goes through. Clay finally accepted himself, outwardly, and took the time he needed for himself to do what he needed to do. I still a big fan , and I can't be upset with him. I've gone through that denial phase. And last time I checked, it's still not perfectly ok, for us to be gay, especially in America. So why is it, everyone can be so critical of him, when you have "don't ask don't tell" out there, you have the "down low" in the black community, and you've got "I can fire you if you're gay" in several states, and we're mad at Clay Aiken. Please Please! if only coming out were as easy as we all make it sound. Everyone has their own issue(s) to deal with and their own cross to bear.

[Jamie]

I don't understand all this negativity about lying and not being forthright with his sexuality. All you people act like it's sooooo easy to just come out (much less when you're in the public eye). I was 30 before I came out, and I guarantee I'm not the first or the last. My friends and family weren't suprised either. And in hindsight I could have come out earlier, but I did it when IIIIIIIII was ready. That's all Clay did. Cut him some slack for crying out loud. For all of you who had the loving support and confidence to come out when you were 16, good for you. But when we as gay men and women get so riled up about the world judging us and our lifestyle choices, it's amazing to me that we have people in our OWN community that criticize how and when one comes out. It's not for you or anyone to judge. Get off your pedistals.

[Calvin]

No it's not a surprise to anyone but the bible beaters who frantically try to hang on to their delusions anyway.

He's out, great but the annoying bit is that he went and outright lied about it for years. Was it really all that difficult after all? I think not. Everyone with an IQ higher than a fencepost knew. No big secret, and no he doesn't need to be cut any slack because of the way he went about it.

[Jack]

There is a reason a PRIVATE life is called PRIVATE. It is nobody's damn business, gay or straight. Clay Aiken owes nothing to gays or straights except a great voice and a great performance if they buy a ticket.

[Jay Reedy]

As a gay man, I'm ashamed to have Clay in the same category as myself. I have never hidden who I am since the day I realized I was gay. I have always been proud of being gay. At 16 years old I came out and have never hidden it from anyone since.
Clay, on the other hand, seems like he is ashamed of being gay. He hid his true self to further his wealth and from my eyes, he lied to the world. He obviously has no pride in being gay.
Everyone knew he was gay, at least in the GLBT community. Who did he think he was fooling? Yet, he denied the truth and went beyond the norm to hide who he really was.
As far as I am concerned Clay is not in the same category as the rest of the gay community and he needs to either go back into his lonely closet or find another term to discribe himself other than "gay".

[amber]

hey guys maybe the guy was scared i mean when i first figured out i was a lesbian i denie it to people who asked i thought people would dissown me it wasn't until juswt this yeare that i came out and with aiken being in the public eye that adds more pressure and more fear no it's not right that he lied but i did at one time to i think we should be proud of him for coming out when he did.

[Dreaming82]

So what if Clay denied he was gay? Not every gay celebrity follows a by-the-book method when it comes to coming out. It may be easier for you some of you that claim you've been out since 13-16 to criticize him, but there are some people who go through constant battles with themselves and through deep denial until they're finally ready to accept it. I was a big sissy when I was growing up and and I was accused of being gay all throughout my childhood, but I couldn't come to terms with admitting to myself I was gay. Therefore, I shunned any kind of relationship while in high school and figured being a loner was a much better way to deal with it. I knew I'd be lying to myself if I dated girls just for the sake of it, and I knew finding a guy for me would be impossible during that time.

When I was still in the closet at 19, my mother asked me if I was gay, and I looked at her like she was crazy and said no. Her reply to me was "well, if you are, just be careful" which pretty much told me she understood. She died when I was 24, and I came out a year later, and my biggest regrets in my life are having never came out to her or not coming out earlier when I knew deep inside I was gay and it shouldn't have mattered to me what people thought. Not only did I miss out on what being a twink is (I mean, really, when you're 18 and gay, you pretty much have the gay world in your hands), I also missed out on sharing that part of my life with her.

I've met Clay before in here in Raleigh, NC, before he was on American Idol, and he was terrified should his mother ever find out he was gay. Unlike me, who just couldn't admit he was gay for selfish reasons, he comes from a very religious background, and was scared his mother would disown him. I'm sure fame and money changed her attitude, but you can't really fault him for his coming out process. Everyone has their own unique way of dealing with their sexuality.

[stef]

why don't you pick on the people who make it so difficult for clay aiken and lance bass, and ellen, and rosie, and John Amaechi, and martina navratilova, Annan, Alyson, field hockey Gold medalist[2]
Arndt, Judith, cyclist[3]
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Bagger, Mianne, pro golfer (2005)[4]
Bean, Billy, baseball player (1999)[5]
Berling, Thomas, footballer (2001)[6]
Burke, Glenn, baseball outfielder (1993)[7]
Byears, Latasha, basketball player (2003)[8]
[edit]C

Calderon, J.P., volleyball player and coach (2007)[9]
Cranston, Toller, figure skater [10]
Curry, John, figure skater (1976)[11]
[edit]D

Didrikson, Babe, athlete, golfer and baseballer[12]
Drolet, Nancy, hockey player (2002) [13]
Dumaresq, Michelle, mountain biker (2002)[14]
Duplitzer, Imke, Olympic fencer[15]
[edit]F

Fashanu, Justin, soccer player (1988)[16]
Fernández, Gigi, tennis professional[13]
Fisher, Joey, ice hockey[17]
[edit]G

Galindo, Rudy, Olympic figure skater (1996)[18]
Gallagher, Ed, offensive lineman for the University of Pittsburgh (1985)[19]
Giove, Missy, mountain biker (1994)[20]
Goldstein, Andrew, lacrosse goalie (2003)[21]
Guetschow, Joan, Olympic biathlete (1992, 1994)[22]
[edit]H

Hall, Matthew, figure skater (1992)[23]
Hammerseng, Gro, Handball player (2002)[24]
Hawkins, Kyle, Collegiate lacrosse coach (2006)[25]
Hayes, Bruce, Olympic swimmer[26]
Holst, Erika, ice hockey player (2006)[27]
Hull Jacobs, Helen, Tennis champion[28]
[edit]J

Jeffrey, Patrick, Olympic diver (1996)[29]
Jones, Rosie, Golfer[13]
Jordan, Orlando, American professional wrestler. (2006)[30]
[edit]K

Karlsson, Peter, ice hockey player[31]
Kanyon, Chris, professional wrestler (2006)[32]
Kenkhuis, Johan, Olympic swimmer (2004)[33]
King, Billie Jean, tennis professional (1981)[34]
Kloss, Ilana, Tennis player[35]
Kopay, David, NFL running back (1975)[36]
[edit]L

Leduc, Mark, Olympic boxer (1994)[37]
Lindberg, Ylva, ice hockey player (2006)[27]
Louganis, Greg, Olympic diver (1994)[13]
[edit]M

Martínez, Conchita, tennis professional[13]
Mauresmo, Amélie, tennis professional (1999) [38]
McCall, Rob figure skater (posthumous) [39]
Metcalf, Holly, Olympic rower[40]
Mitcham, Matthew, Olympic diver (2008)[41]
Morgan, Chris, powerlifter[42]
[edit]N

Navratilova, Martina, tennis professional (1981)[43]
Nepela, Ondrej, figure skater [10]
Newton, Rob, Athlete[44]
Nyad, Diana, swimmer [45]
[edit]O

O'Meara, Ryan, figure skater (ice dancing discipline) (2008).[46]
Orser, Brian, Olympic figure skater (1998)[47]
Owens, Nigel, Welsh International rugby union referee (2007).[48]
[edit]P

Paris, Bob, bodybuilder (1983)[49]
Patterson, Pat, former professional wrestler[13]
Pichler, David, Olympic diver (1996)[50]
Pockar, Brian, figure skater (posthumous) [39]
[edit]R

Raymond, Lisa, tennis professional[51]
Richards, Renee, tennis player (1976)[52]
Robbins, Kelly, Golfer[53]
Roberts, Ian, rugby league player (1995)[54]
Rossner, Petra, Cyclist[3]
[edit]S

Sheehan, Patty, Golfer[55]
Simmons, Roy, NFL offensive guard (1992)[13]
Smith, Jerry, NFL tight end (1987)[56]
Spencer-Devlin, Muffin, golf professional (1996) [43]
Stubbs, Rennae, tennis professional[57]
Swoopes, Sheryl, basketball player (2005)[58]
[edit]T

Tait, Blyth Olympic Equestrian[17]
Tewksbury, Mark, Olympic swimmer[40]
Thate, Carole, Field hockey Bronze medalist[2]
Tilden, Bill, tennis professional (1920)[59]
Tinling, Ted, Tennis professional[60]
Tuaolo, Esera, NFL professional football player (2002)[61]
[edit]V

Van Gorp, Michele, basketball player (2004)[13]
Veatch, Dan, Olympic swimmer[62]
Vizaniari, Lisa-Marie, Olympic Athlete and Boxer[13]
[edit]W

Waddell, Tom, Olympic decathlete and creator of the Gay Games (1968)[63]
Wauters, Ann, basketball player [64]
Webb, Karrie, Golfer[53]
Whipple, Diane, Lacrosse player[65]
Wicks, Sue, Basketball player (2000)[66]
Wilson, David, Figure skater, choreographer[67]
Wykes, Alissa, American footballer [13]
__________________________________________
ALL SPORTS PEOPLE WHO WERE OUTED OR THREATENED WITH BEING OUTED, OR FINALLY STOOD UP TO BE COUNTED AS A GAY PERSON WHO IS WORTHY OF LIVING THE LIFE THEY WERE MEANT TO HAVE...
why do we always attack our own rather than go after those who would do harm to us? THIS IS NOT TRIAL BY EXISTANCE... UNLESS YOU'RE A RIGHT-WING NEOCON.
peace and have a great life clay!!!!

[Gregory Curtis]

Clay Aiken gay???? Who woulda Thought?!?!??!

[ray]

just two words:
who cares?