No on Prop 8 advertising: Where my gays at?

Bear with me here - I know a bunch of you will jump down my throat, but can I just ask a really simple question: where are the gays in the No on Prop 8 advertising?

I'll tell you where: the closet.

Now, I "know" why. God forbid any mainstream advertising supporting equal rights actually feature the people they are supporting. It's too risky. Leave it to the other side to give air time to actual homosexuals.

This glaring absence didn't occur to me until I heard Gavin Newsom, San Francisco's incredibly gutsy, smart, and hot mayor, voicing his frustration with how the Democratic party as a whole keeps gay rights at arm's length. He said that were this any other civil rights issue - women's rights, minorities, whathaveyou - the party would have embraced the cause and ditched the tiptoe dance it does around the topic long ago.

And then I had my Oprah moment: indeed, were this an issue about any other "disenfranchised" group, we'd have been inundated with images of the very people who need our support. There would be stories aplenty in order to connect the cause to actual living, breathing people.

But on the Prop 8 battleground, there are no faces, no stories about who will be affected should Prop 8 pass. Instead Prop 8's opponents have depersonalized the fight, relying on voters' innate sense of fairness to respond to the argument that Prop 8 takes rights away. Away from whom? Well, gays of course...vague, non-offensive gays that you don't need to worry yourself about. No need to show any...just picture the one or two that you know...

Should No on Prop 8 advertising - the mainstream, primetime adverstising is what I'm talking about here - should it show the gay couples whose rights we are talking about? I don't know. There's no easy answer. I know what's at risk. But it does seem somewhat disingenous for our community to be fighting for what we are calling a "fundamental right" while standing behind an army of straight people.

I may be wrong, but I would suspect that campaigns supporting civil rights for other groups generally featured images of the people whose rights were being debated. But because what "separates" us is our sexuality, as opposed to our skin color, physical ability or gender, we as individuals aren't immediately identified with our cause. So the question is, if we want to be considered equal in every way, when will we stop self-censoring? Just because we can doesn't mean we should.

By not owning our right to get married and giving a voice to the potential victims of Prop 8, it's almost an admission that yes, gay weddings are a little weird, and the world isn't quite ready for them. (Frankly, I'm surprised the other side hasn't gotten their hands on footage from some totally over-the-top gay wedding and weaved that into their propaganda.) So we risk Prop 8 passing - would it be worth it to have shown a little balls in the fight?

(Images courtesy of Getty)

Comments

[Jonathan]

Get out of New York City, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, and Miami. You will see the answer very quickly when it comes to any states version of Proposition 8 - gays don't stand up and do anything because many don't even feel like they will ever meet anyone (much less get married); look at the men who've been on this site every evening for the last ten years who, based on their ads, are great guys, available, looking to meet someone, and yet nothing ever happens, or it only lasts six months.

This is truly one case where, if you want the community to get out there and convince mainstream society that we should be able to marry, for example, those same people have to believe deep down that there is another gay man out there for them who is looking for the kind of relationship that will result in a successful marriage someday. I'm not seeing this feeling among the majority of gay men I've known over the last 20 years. You can say that we 'should' be more concerned about the greater rights of the community overall, but when have gay men ever been like that? During the worst of the AIDS years, many guys did and said nothing for fear of guilt by association. When hate crimes occurred, lots of us stayed home and hid. When looking at online personals, our response was to first check out a picture to see if he was 'worthy' to talk to so he wouldn't embarrass us in public, or 'look like' he's sick. We're ashamed to be seen with each other, how in the heck do you think we are going to be able to mobilize a community of men whose only link is sexual attraction to the male body? It doesn't work. Look at the last 40 years of documented gay male history. Only when our lives were literally on the line (1980's AIDS) did we ever really care about what happened to other gay men. The only times we will ever do anything is when our own personal finances are jeopardized or our physical appearance is in danger (the ravages of HIV/AIDS). Sad but true.

[Ty]

So we lost on Prop 8 here in California. Here in the Palm Springs area we have become so insulated that we forgot what the rest of the country is like, including attitudes in the rest of our own state. One hope is with Obama. He recognized u sin his speech last night and has committed many times to grant us equal rights afforded str8s. Let's see what happens now. ..and let's see what happens to the status of all those folks who tied the know here in the past several months. This whole thing was never more than token anyway without Federal support and concurrance nationally. In the meantime, give the str8s their marriage and divorce sanctities. It will not change who we are or our love for that speacial person. The righta will come in time.

[unknown]

I agree with jonathan its seems no one is looking for a serious commitment so the marriage ban means nothing. The internet ruined it for any serious relationship, too much selection and you can be with a different person ( or be a different person yourself ) every night

[Troy]

Wow, now that you mention it, I dont think I have. The only ads I've seen with actual gay people in them are on youtube or the internet in general.