Why I've Been a Bitch

Let’s face it, this hasn’t been a great week for civil rights. And as much as we try, it probably shows on our faces and in our moods. If you’ve had a hard time explaining to your family and co-workers why, maybe sending them a link to this open letter will help...

“An open letter to my co-workers:

Yes I’ve been in an awful mood since Wednesday. I know it bugged you when I didn’t join your boisterous, thrilling and optimistic conversations. And you probably noticed that I winced and shrugged when you went on about “change.”

Please remember this has been a week of change for me too.

•    The state of Florida supported Amendment 2, voting to outlaw domestic partnerships in a sweeping change to its constitution. Thousands of Florida couples, same-sex and not, are at risk of losing health care and pension benefits.

•    The state of Arkansas voted to prohibit unmarried couples (again, both same-sex and not) from serving as foster parents or adopting, essentially saying I am unfit to be a parent.

•    The progressive state of California voted by a wide margin to give more living space to chickens and pigs. They also voted to change the state constitution to reflect that my relationship of fourteen years does not have the same value as your marriage.   

I’m happy African-American kids across the country now know whatever their dreams are, they can come true. Even if that dream is to become president.  I’m even happy for the chickens and the pigs.

You just have to remember for a moment I didn’t wake up to the same reality you did on Wednesday morning. And you’re gonna have to give me a couple more days.

Signed,

The guy in the cube next door, the guy handing you a Latte, the lady buying a house from you, the nurse holding your hand, the cop stopping traffic so you can cross the street…and your son.”

(Photo: Getty Images)

Comments

[pete]

Organize a national boycott. Money talks! Gays need to unite under one umbrella organization to coordinate the efforts of all.

[VB]

We have no one to blame but ourselves. We are far to divisive about this issue even in our own community. And our behavior and attitude among our own (gay men treat themselves and each like trash) hardly warrents the right to marry.

It will happen.

Not when they are ready to give it to us but when we are ready to receive it.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

[RMB]

How unfair VB.

In no way are we deserving of discrimination, no matter how many problems exist within the gay community.

I agree we should ALL be more compassionate to one another, and perhaps this battle will unite us. In fact, i was very impressed to see the spirit of the gay community these past few days, despite what we are now going through.

But to say we bring it upon ourselves is akin to saying that blacks suffered jim crow laws because of flaws in the black community. It's not a matter of when we will receive it, because obviously, they are not willing (by 53%) to give it. It's a matter of when we are ready to fight for it. And I think the time is now.

[Troy]

I hear everyones pain, and i am very frustrated also. I am so tired of people showing me that they think i am a no-body. When in fact I am a some-body, Im an American. And i deserve Equality - NOW, TODAY. Not tomorrow - TODAY. WE need to do something now. I am not sure what we need to do, Maybe a National Protest, or maybe another march (on Washington). Like i said, im not sure what - but something needs to be done and NOW. Any ideas ?

[Mark]

Oh wah wah wah. I'm a white gay male and everything is horrible. Get a grip. Lots of us gay people of color feel your pain, but this issue is not the be all end all of human rights. Comments like this remind me that we have so much work to do to take your heads out of your asses.

[Dave]

In 45 years on the planet I have witnessed many bad things by groups of people. The larger the groups of people the worse the atrocities seem to be...Jonestown to Tebero, fear and hatered are the same and only bad can come of these emotions. To the people who identify as Christians and voted across this country to keep us "sinners" in a state of sin by not allowing us to marry, remember the man who said,"Woe be to him that, by his actions, keeps another in a state of sin for his is the greater..." This is one Catholic boy who will pray for tolerance and understanding. Perhaps, one day, the rest of the electorate will join me.

[GM]

As a Native Californian, this isn't the first time that given us temporary enjoyment of equality then instantly shortly taken away.
Same thing happened when Governor Anne Richards passed Civil Unions in TX.
Then Bush reversed that right for me & my partner.
I personally could careless about adopting children.
They are too time consuming & I really don't like the competition for attention.
Oh lighten up. I was just kidding.
I love being THE favorite Uncle as I can alwys give the kids back.
I will never understand why Gays should have to pay taxes for other's people's kids schools.
I still voted NO on Prop 8 for my fellow Gays & Lesbians even though I wish it was never brought to the forfront because now, CA Gays are in danger of losing what little rights we've gained like Hospital Visits & Property here say upon death of our better halves.
Raised Catholic & my CHOICE for being gay, I still believe in the values I was brought up with but no longer have faith in any Religious INSTITUTION.
So therefore the Sanctity of Marriage rule doesn't apply to me.
Seperate church & State, right?
What country do I run to now to escape religious persicution.
Although I strongly agree with VBs shared acknowledgement of how we are more unequal & discriminating umongst our own, speak for yourself & blame yourself for not standing up for yourself among us like I do.

[gm]

& the BABE in this Picture is totally MY TYPE.
Who is he, what is his name?
Hook me up..
PLEASE
I will cheer him up with my happy perky pants.

[Uncivil]

Just replace the word "Gay" in the term "Gay Rights" with the words African American, Jewish, Disabled, or any other minority group. On the minority totem pole, gays are on the very bottom, as in, the hole in the ground covered in dirt.

[Wayhenry]

I tend to agree with gm on some points, not on others.
Personally, I don't understand why gay marriage is such a flashpoint...we know that the majority of people are going to have a problem giving up what they view as a "right" (which is really a privilege), and that that title is something to hang onto for them.
Within sexual minorities...gays and lesbians being the most visible part...the most visible part wants recognition for THEIR relationships, but tends to have the 'seat at the table' mentality about it. Much the same way a lot of people don't like Clarence Thomas for doing his best to get rid of affirmative action, it seems to me that a lot of gays and lesbians would work really hard to put the burden of marriage on queer relationships. Monogamy, divorce, and shared property, don't really work in relationships with multiple partners, or in relationships where the partners aren't necessarily sexual as much as emotional. Sometimes, I feel like asking the people fighting hardest for gay marriage why they feel as though they need a piece of paper to tell them that they have a relationship.
I'm not lamenting the defeat of Prop. 8, I'm lamenting the forces that made it be. I still woke up on Wednesday feeling like the world progressed a bit, because honestly, it's the first time in a long time where I saw America vote for hope, as opposed to fear. With a new climate of progress and hope, there WILL come a point where gay marriage is not just feasible and inevitable. My hope is that in that new era, a lot of relationships are recognized and accepted, and that the use of shame (much like the shame that the Religious Right used to stop Prop. 8) about non-normative relationships, won't be so common and that people will start living their lives, and not care so much about other people's lives.
As for why we pay taxes for schools, it's the same reason we pay taxes for roads and everything else. Would you really like to live in a country where the population wasn't being educated? Where the work force OF THE COUNTRY wasn't competitive with the world? Where getting education was a burden? If we're going to progress as a nation, we're going to have to pay for things that don't JUST benefit us at the moment (as if the government was some sort of service provider), but for things that will provide for us over the long term. Remember, those kids who are going to schools you pay for today, will one day vote in elections, and take care of you when you're old. Just like those roads that you DON'T drive on, are the roads that make it possible for you to get food.

[Rich62]

We should have the choice to marry or at least have the same rights that all others do....weather we use them or not...the choice should be there for the gay community....If I am told that I can not adopt children by the people and goverenment...then I should not be taxed for the schools and the education of something that I do not have to right for...If we are not seen as equal....then our money should be seen as equal either...if we would all start this...at least get the message out there...It might wake some people up.....money seems to do that...if straight people might have to pay more...they might change their minds....think about it...

[fred]

It takes years to make progress, and I'm sure if you look at the histories of other minority groups, change was gradual, even after laws became commonplace. Although it's sad that we are not further along in truly being equal citizens, let's not minimize what change we have made in the past decade. Sure, there's much more to go, but I'm sure if you ask other minority communities about how they've viewed their American history, it's rather similar to how we feel we've been treated.the ups and downs we've gone through.

It's not going to happen overnight for us, especially when there are so many other things happening to this country that are going to take center stage. People are going to focus on the economy and more universal issues, but we can make small leaps if we continue to work together.

[Rndmacts]

GM - you asked which country you move to to get away from religous persecution. Well look North to Canada, we have full marriaqe rights and Church's that have been instructed how far they can go. Our Supreme Court has already ruled that freedom of speech or religion do not trump the laws about inciting hate. That is why Reverand Phelps and his ilk are turned away at the borders. Why a man who passed out handouts that claimed the holocaust did not happen is in jail. A minister who proclaimed from the pulpit that gays should be dead, was removed from his position two days later and is no longer allowed to sermonize or lead bible discussion.

I think what happened here is that during the original discussions about allowing gay unions, the Prime Minister of the time sort of warned the churchs in Canada, that too much participation in the discussion would force the government to review their tax free status. This was because the Archbisop of Toronto, suggested denying the sacraments to MPs that voted in favor of the change. You can bet this did not go over well with a Catholic Prime Minister.

So you want a better place to live, move North and enjoy the freedom to be just you.

[David]

I have read your comments, and tried to relate, but just can't. I cannot and will not accept that change must come slowly. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I was thrown out at 15 when my parents found out I was gay. No agency would help me. I had to beg for money and sometimes degrade myself by resorting to selling my body just to eat. I have slept in parking garages just to stay warm at night.
I kept my sexuality hidden so I could find meager minimum wage jobs because I wasn't able to finish HS.
I have endured vicious beatings at the hands of homophobes while people watched on. Then endured hearing the police tell me I deserved it.
Then I finally get to a point where people who claim to be compassionate have passed laws to make you all feel like I have been treated my entire life, less than a human being. I hope you enjoy it.
If it were financially possible, I would leave this horrible place. What rights would I possibly miss? The freedom of speech? Nobody cares when a fag cries out for help.
The freedom to complain to your government? I did that when my face was smashed against a curb knocking out my teeth. I was told that I probably asked for it.
I've always been the first let go because I don't have a family to support.
Why should I even bother to fight for change anymore. By the time it comes, I will be too old to enjoy the freedom that change brings.
Spare me the tired rhetoric about doing it for future generations. I was the future generation, and you were too busy doing coke in the drag bars to be bothered to vote for change. You thought someone else would do it. Now you are reaping what you have sown. Enjoy it.

I for one will be leaving this awful place to find some happiness with what time I have left on this earth as soon as I can.

[Richard]

Some very interesting points. I do think it is great that in California the issue we are fighting over is marriage. It wasn't long ago that myself and others would not be able to teach, due to our sexual orientation or our sexual choice. I do say two steps forward, one step backward, and Yes on Prop. 8 was/is a step backward; but we gays and other progressives will continue to move forward, I believe. It is also necessary because these heathens, who have the audacity to call themselves Christians, after Christ, a Jew, and despise almost all things Jewish at the same time, these heathens will not stop until they've put all things and people "different" from them into a gas chamber. I believe that they (Christians) have already proven how evil and intolerant they are. I need no more evidence. Hence, they won this battle (though it should be overturned by the courts), but we must continue the struggle and the fight. We also must understand who our enemy is. It is Christianity, which means that many of us are our own worst enemies, as most of us were raised Christians. Recognize the root of the problem and don't be told you have to respect anything that does not earn your respect. And do not give those heathens one dime to continue their pagan mockery of Jesus, a Jew, or in effect you remain part of the problem. There are no more excuses! Wake up and take action and be heard, but remember, "Be wise as a serpent, and innocent as a dove." Innocent, by the way, does NOT mean ignorant.
We've got these bast-rds on the run, no let up!! AMEN

[Paul]

Move to Canada!

[Chris]

I think your letter is absolutely right on point. I know for me this week it was hard to maintain my professionalism while sitting with clients and having to see stories about it come up on the Google News aggregate feed...

I read that Apple donated some money to fight the proposition. I know it wasn't much, but for a corporation to display any type of political affiliation it means a lot. So, if we do vote with our wallets, companies like that should be kept in mind.

[cs]

I am dam mad too. Did I really do all I could to ensure our rights? Did you? Did we tell all our friends and family that we are not out to take anything away from them? I also don't think gays are REALY a minority. Those of you who did not take action on election day....poke your heads out of the closet and demand your rights, don't politly ask for it. I also could care less if my partner and I are called married, all i want is to have EQUAL rights, i could care less about labels. Too many people still think being gay is about sex. It is time we let everyone know that it is not!

[cs]

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

Martin Luther King Jr

[Jokes]

I too have a dream... That the queer people in the States just abandon that mess of a country and move to Canada (virtually doubling Canada's population) where you have access to all of the same rights and privileges as everyone else in the Country.
Just remember we have separation of Church and State in this country. We don't teach evolution in our public schools (no creationism). We don't have a two party system up here. Healthcare is free, prescription drugs are subsidized. We have oil so don't worry about relying on the middle east (the tar sands have about the same amount as Saudi Arabia). If you can deal with this and the constant dog sledding then you'll do fine.
Come on lets help make Canada the gayest place on Earth - screw the U.S. and come up here :)

[David]

I live in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. As a gay man who's been OUT for OVER 20 years now, I find it VERY discriminatory that gay men STILL can NOT adopt NOR can we be legally married. I agree that our community needs to UNITE and stop all this divisiveness...NOW! The Democratic Party showed that - through unity - we CAN win! We ARE closer than ever to marriage rights now. This can only help our cause. Personally, I will NEVER cease to just "be satisfied with what we have". This is far from "over". Gay Adoption? Legal Gay Marriage? YES WE DAMN WELL CAN....AND WILL!!!!

[s.lee]

What we need to do is to do exactly what gay people are doing in the Western states. We need a HUGE protest all over the country at the same time; every major city in every State; not a million or so people in D.C., but millions all over this country. We're pissed and we need to let people know that we're not willing to put up with the B.S. anymore. This is a time for change. It's a brilliant time for the progressive movement. Let's no just sit around and mope...let's make the most of it.