Why So Afraid?

This post marks our 500th post on the Out Front Blog. In just over two years, we’ve now reached a milestone in thought, opinion and dialogue. How ironic then, that as we continue and expand the conversation, the so-called “mainstream media” seem less interested in gay and lesbian communications.

Note: This post originally appeared on the Out Front Blog on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 under the title "Afraid of Gay?"

The past several weeks have brought a number of examples of what looks – to me, at least – like fear of gay people and gay issues. For example:

• An almost utter lack of “mainstream” media coverage about LGBT ballot initiatives and the role of gay voters in elections across the country before the presidential election (coverage since then has been dominated by blogs and LGBT outlets)
• The sudden, unexpected dismissal of an actress playing a lesbian from “Grey’s Anatomy,” the hit television show on ABC
• The return of juvenile, humorless “let’s make fun of gays” antics on NBC’s Saturday Night Live

It’s almost as though media has somehow forgotten what to say or how to cover our lives. Whether they are concerned that they’ll “offend” us in some way or they think that the passage of anti-gay ballot initiatives is some indicator of the mood of the country (meaning they shouldn’t talk about us), the result is the same. Less attention to our lives and an almost embarrassment of talking about us openly and honestly.

Left unchanged, does this trend mean we are becoming personae non grata in newsrooms and scriptwriter planning meetings? 

With the exception of the hit ABC television show “Brothers and Sisters,” which ran an excellent gay-themed show Sunday night that featured no less than three same sex kisses between a married male couple, straight media seems to be heading right back into the closet and dragging popular entertainment and media coverage with it.

Why do we wonder about the reasons people stay in the closet when straight society’s acknowledgment of our relationships is not to acknowledge them at all?

I think that’s the reason we saw such lackluster coverage of Proposition 8 before the election – a reluctance to address “complex” issues such as gay marriage in media coverage. Wanda Sykes, in her Las Vegas “coming out” speech last weekend, seemed to reflect the outcome of this coverage when she said that she didn’t think she needed to be out, but that the passage of Prop. 8 made her feel “personally attacked” and pushed her to be more vocal.

My thoughts on this theory of “fear” of gay people aren’t new, and I’ve written about them lately here. I really do think a big reason for this renewed silence is fear of the unknown and fear of doing or saying “the wrong thing.” This seems to be true particularly among well-meaning people who think of themselves as "gay-friendly." In a day and age when we can finally elect an African-American person to the highest office in the land, we ought to also be able to fully and honestly acknowledge all of the people in our society.    

Fear is ugly and divisive, particularly when fear of the “other” drives discrimination and bigotry and serves as a convenient excuse for ignoring an entire community of people. It’s okay to be gay and it should be okay for media and “straight society” to acknowledge that now and forever.

(Photo: ABC)

Comments

[Jonathan]

You know, I think it's a combination of things. When gay men are made fun of, I think it is definitely out of 'fear of the unknown' but also envy of what they think they know: we have too much money, too much education, too many nice things, too nice of a home, clothes that are too expensive, and a life that is free of children or responsibility - and especially for straight men, it drives them bananas - this is a life they will never get to have. They look at us as 'poor little rich kids' - how can we complain about civil rights when we (supposedly) live a lifestyle beyond most peoples' wildest dreams? But even for those gay men who do have these things, the other side isn't seen (loneliness, lack of available relationships options, uncertain future as far as having children)...and then there are people who just don't care. They love people of color and even act like a 'thug' but acting like a queer is something that is still the absolute worst thing in our society today. Getting ten different girls pregnant is somehow acceptable, but loving another man isn't. Even today we still get this implied 'innocent victims of AIDS' which definitely does not have a gay face to it. I'm not saying we have made a huge difference over the last few decades because we are seeing things today on television we would never see before, but it is important to be aware of these little steps back. Straight people might tolerate us, but you don't know what they really believe when they are in that voting booth. You might be unpleasantly surprised.

[HT]

Posted by: Jonathan | November 18, 2008 at 02:49 PM

Agreed 100%. Thank you for posting.

[Michael1234]

While the main 4 TV networks may not be showing us and our relationships in every TV show I would like to point out that NBC has "Ellen" on daytime primetime and she is a powerhouse. Soon, they are also going to have a new variety show hosted by our Rosie. We are also represented in many, many cable TV shows.

[Sam]

Media is only a representation of what is real. It's not the media, but real people themselves. Media has never been very legendary or 'ground-breaking.' They're a conservative outlet that thinks diversity is being politically correct.

Media wants to entertain and comfort people usually. They tend to stray away from anything serious with a 15-inch-pole, unless it's some boring crap that nobody really watches anyway. Making fun of gays ultimately gets more of a crowd then treating somebody with dignity and respect. Cruel way of the world. If you truly want inclusion, read a book instead. Usually much more gay-friendly than anything on crap TV.

And besides, I really don't mind being made fun of, as long as it doesn't get too out of hand. I mean sometimes people can just get too sensitive. I make fun of straight men all the time too.

Evil is fought from within, not without. Instead of bitching about what you see on TV, are you sure you yourself would be an accurate representation of gayness, (whatever that is). The more I think about it, the more I think all TV/media is garbage anyway. If people want to feel like they're in a good cause, they should seek them out in the real world- and stop self-promoting themselves on tv.

We worship celebs enough in this country as it is. Whether gay or straight, I don't want to keep doing that. Hollywood is fun and all, but we have to remember it's fake. Reality tv was another farce to make us dumb Americans even dumber by zombifying us into thinking we could relate to people on TV. I'm sorry, but I'm proud to be Sam- a real person, not a fictional character in a television show.

[Sam]

I forgot to add. Media is like the best drug really. They're the cause of your panic/distress. (cliffhanger programs, so much fucking drama and disease and OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING!) and then they also take it away.

Shouldn't we be caring about people in the REAL world? I don't want to watch a 'positive gay relationship.' I want to live one myself. =/ If this gay thing is truly a liveable, breathing thing- why do we care so much what's on TV? I mean no offense to anybody but if you're looking for role models on a television set I think you might need to get a reality check, and get more of a real life.

The reason why we're not represented is not because straight people are big ol' meanies, it's because many gay men themselves would rather keep their personal lives private like any decent human being. Ideally, you want your orientation to be integrated in all areas of your life I know. But still, people's minds are going to go right to the sex thing you know it. Or we get bitched at by gay people that a relationship wasn't sexual enough , or it was too sexual by the other side.

Nobody can really win. You'd find something to bitch about. There isn't a clear right answer with this issue. You already got my opinion though: All TV is crap. I'm a hypocrite though. I'm about to watch my Six Feet Under DVDs as we speak. But oh well. =p

[Joe]

First off, if we want equality then that includes being made fun of on SNL equally. You have to be able to make fun of yourself. I'd also like to point out that ABC also has an out lesbian couple on All My Children who have been kissing a lot. And the CW has the little-seen gay brother on Gossip Girl.

[MJH]

Great response(s) Sam! Well written and articulated!

[BrodyR]

How do you accurately represent an entire, diverse people of a different orientation. I've seen how gays and their lives have been portrayed in media, and its NOTHING like me. At all. So... Should I complain that there needs to be more representation of me and people like me in the mainstream media? Should straight individuals start complaining that there isn't enough portrayal of who THEY are and will start demanding that there should be better representation.

So, I for one actually don't mind that there isn't much "accurate" portrayal of homosexual lives. And the bit about the gay initiative for the presidential polls... What the hell you want?!? A frickin trophy? Thousands of people help with elections. You goin from wantin equality, to demanding special treatment, just because we're gay. Seems extremely self centered and egotistical. I also think comparing the "plight" of homosexuals to that of African Americans is a little much. We never once had to go through generations of slavery and near-genocide at the hands of Europeans. Ok, so we've been harrassed alot and a few (and Im not saying "a few" in attempt to diminish what individual homosexuals have suffered, but compared to that of minority RACES (not ORIENTATIONS) it actually is few)have been brutalized and even killed. But again... Im pretty sure the African Americans have suffered QUITE abit more in comparison.

And now the News. ARE YOU SURPRISED!? The news covers what draws an audience and DOESN'T piss off the "higher-ups". Do want a sob story about how the Mormons are treating the whole Prop. 8 unfairly? Then your becoming worse than the frickin Native Canadians here in Alberta. You want proper coverage, you have to do it yourself. American media will always be very conservative, because that is the type of people that run the main companies.

So now before you start spoutin that I'm a conservative straight guy whos come on here to spread lies and hate. Or a self hating, religious gay. I want to let you know that I'm gay. Proud of it. But not loud. The way I see it. The general populace of heterosexuals don't walk around saying "HEY every one!! I have sex with the opposite sex!" Albeit some do, but their a minority, and judging the entire hetero population on a minority is exactly what we're fighting against. So... think about these things. Think about how you would want OUR opponents to treat us, before you go off demanding special treatment in the name of equality.

[Chuck]

So, tell me, Brody, what kind of lighting do you use in your closet?

Incandescent, hallogen or (ugh) florescent?

[youdontneedtoknowmyname]

This is why most of my friends are heterosexuals. Grow up fags.

[Steve]

You know I think the fact that we count the kisses says alot. In all the years of will and grace, I dont remember a kiss between will kiss anyone on the lips.. it was always on the cheek. There were a few that looked like it, but the camera never showed it. And now we have 3 in one show.. wow. I dont think we should kid ourselves into thinking that things are getting better, in that respect. We are still considered what I believe second class citizens. They can write all the laws they want, but if they are not implimented and there is a difference between citizens then we are not there. There are not many gay politicians and that would just not be a good thing to be..in this climate. I was listening to the political pundits talking about how the "gay" rights is not like the black rights. I happen to dissagree because I was there for a lot of the revolution to get the black rights. There was a time when blacks cound not even marry another race. Then the religious ppl. put in their two cents worth. You know according to the bible you are sinning anytime you do anything in excess. And the only time sex is involved is for procreation. Humm, I think that is an interesting point that should be made in all of this.. how many of them only have sex for procreation? And most of them could loose some weight. Gluttony you know.. But on a lighter note.. There has been tremdous progress, we are just not ther yet.

[youdontneedtoknowmyname]

The way gays act towards other gays and straights might be one reason why there isn't much progress.

[Tommy]

Dont take it personally.

Its just the DEMS and the lib media throwing us under a bus again. Cmon kids...we should be used to it by now. Don't complain...or you might be called a FOX NEWS watcher. YIKES!

[Ralph]

MJH,

Good! Don't forget the romance on ATWT. Also for international gays, AWZ - Germany.

People need to stop being like the press. Nay sayers are here to stay but WE need to overcome the stupid people.

We are gay, We are here, We will stay! Isn't this the march song? 'F' the press, get out there and make a difference. Take it to the courts, once one state is informed, concentrate on another, another, another..... We have the money if we all pull together!

[MrPos]

Yes, I feel that the passing of Prop 8 is stripping us of our equal rights. The straight community is afraid that we'll distroy the meaning of "marriage". I have a suggestion...if marriage is such a holy union, then we should have a law that if you get divorced, then you should be fined. There are too many people getting married and 10 seconds later they're divorcing, Let's strip them of their equal rights. Who's mocking marriages now? The straight community is so self-rightious that they make me sick.

[MarkF]

Hey guys, it seems like there's a lot of hate on this side towards anyone who disagrees with you. And even if you say "They deserve it", or "they started it first," or "...but they're taking away my rights" - all of which may or may not be true - that's still no reason to hate or to use bad language. Can we try to separate out real abuse like physical violence against the innocent from when someone just disagrees with us?

[Glenn Lennox]

We have let politicians and religious leaders walk all over us for years and we continue to do so. We spend far too much time and energy on talking about crap like Cher and Britney Spears and not enough time education ourselves about politics or getting involved.
The recent Democratic primary was a perfect example; the gays were blinded by the mega-spending, hype of the Obama campaign and didn't bother to look beneath the surface to discover that Obama has done NOTHING to help gays in his entire career.
We get what we deserve for being so stupid. As I said all along, vote for Obama and there will be no gay progress except the scrapping of Don't ask, don't tell - and I hear now he is even thinking of abandoning that !
Gays should have looked where he was getting his funding from - the majority came from black churches and they hate gays the most so is he really going to upset them and help us when he needs their money again in four years time ?

[The Devil of the Contra Code]

I don't see why people get so up in arms about gay people being made fun of and not being taken seriously. Gay people don't take themselves seriously! Have you seen a fucking pride parade or march? Its almost beyond funny, for me, its embarrassing and yeah, I distance and disassociate myself (not that I already was) from that image.

[Clark]

Burn more books!! It was great to see a book of Mormon left burning on the steps of a Mormon temple. Lets do more of this. Also leave a burning Koran on the steps of the local mosque. A burning Talmud on the steps of the synagogue. A burning bible on the steps of the Christian church.

[TonyinPHX]

Simply put, the GLBT antics over the past year are moving any forward progress backwards. Not everyone in socitey is ready for marriage, especially when it is the rainbow wearing gay boys or the 500 lb lesbians parading around for it. Change happens in steps, sometimes baby steps, not just in great leaps.

How about being more humble, good neighbors and coworkers and let society come you (us)? Wow. That's acceptance. Novel concept.

[steven]

for all the sites that claim "our models are totally straight" as they smilingly get screwed in the butt, or gladly suck a cock. for all the cowards that cruise on craigs list and other sites proclaiming "my girlfriend is outta town" and i want dick. for all the cowards that use the joke, when does a gay man become a faggot; when he leaves the room. for all the closet cowards who laugh at gay jokes, tell gay jokes and wouldn't come to the aid of a gay brother being beaten down by fag bashers. for those that say "civil union is ok." you're wrong... absolutely wrong.

"scared cowards I am talkin to you you closet cases. This community knows no more shame than by you. Go ahead DENY your selves. GO ahead prove my point.
I hear by say no more. No more to all of you who choose to hide deep in your lies. There are far to many people who are out in this community for there to still be any lack of honesty in who you truly are. To all of you individuals who think that you can still hide; I say NO MORE. This has gone beyond confusion of what you desire but, to the extreme of who you are. So sad that our community has been so focused on lables to the point at which they have all just become lies to hide our true selves. I say STAND UP. Stand up against this hatred upon yourselves you will be loved no matter who your are. Accept what is, and you will no longer suffer. We are here. We will wait. But, we will not sit around and suffer because of you. You watch as we are attacked because of who WE are. Sadly there are times when you even engage in acts of hatred against us. Know that to hate us, you must also hate your self. It is no longer about who you are. It is about who we are. We are a loving community of which you are warmly welecome. To those who stand up for being you, I give applause. Please help stop these falsehoods." quoted from an unknown poster on CL.

[qnw]

We need to work hard to portray the battle for marriage equality as the civil rights struggle that it is. We face the same uphill battle that black people faced in the fifties and sixties. All the rhetoric is the same. The idea that equal rights are "special" rights. The idea that the bigots are defending traditional marriage. The claims of a slippery slope which will lead to the corruption of society. We recognize now that those who pushed for miscegenation laws stood on the wrong side of history. Those who stand against gay marriage will be similarly scorned once we have achieved equality.

[MarkF]

How many here wish that pro-gay views are taught in the schools? If same-sex marriage is legalized then it seems that it will be able to be taught in the schools at last.

[Jonathan]

Another thought I'd like to throw out there - while this whole Proposition 8 passage was a devastating blow to most of us who kept up with political events over the last TWO years (no WONDER we are all exhausted now), I think it doesn't take a rocket scientist to look back on where we went wrong.

In visualizing the big picture, get the metro areas out of your mind for a moment and think of the United States as a whole. Gay people make up an extremely small percentage of society. So small that we are considered a 'demographic' that doesn't vary much when it comes to tastes, preferences, habits - because that would take forever to figure out.

We got lost. This community, which is already very small, got focused quickly on marriage - which for most gay people, is a pipe dream - many of us have waited almost a decade just to find a stable dating partner. Marriage is a reality for a very, very small portion of our already small demographic. So we focused on issues that represent the smallest amount of gay people. You do not create change by ensuring rights of the people at the top of the pyramid. Those people are doing okay, because, come on, they have each other. They are their safety net. Their rights are, without question, important, but what about everyone else in the GLBT community? Look at how many of us are losing our jobs, our health care, look at how many gay suicides are happening that go unnoticed because those men isolated themselves towards the end; look at how the internet has helped our community to become even more anonymous and less supportive of each other. Hardly any of us attend local gay groups anymore or even care to get involved. We don't know each other anymore unless there's something in it for us.

If we want real change, gay marriage is great, but it's not life or death. HIV rates and suicide among the under 40 gay male crowd are. Isolation and losing health insurance for the over 65 gay men are terrifying things. These two groups are hardly ever mentioned when we talk about real gay people facing real life events, almost always alone, with no support from straight people, gay people, or even their own families. Gay men need to get over this illusion of glamour and prestige and realize that we have a lot of people who are truly hurting right now in our communities. We need to help them too. In turn, if you want support from the majority of the gay community, dammit, pay attention to their struggles too. It's not all about you and gay marriage. Start listening to the rest of us and what we need right now as well. We don't have time to waste, either. We have to stop bickering like middle school girls and learn how to get over our prejudices towards other gay people. Women did it 40 years ago and look at what they accomplished. Gay men can do it too, but it starts with us learning how to accept other gay men, who we have conditioned ourselves in thinking that we are 'better than he is'.

[HT]

Cutting and pasting from another argument since it almost feels like it works equally in this subject matter too:

1. No condoms wanted.
2. No relationships wanted.
3. No concern for one's fellow "community" wanted.
4. "Wham bam, thank you mister now go get tested every 3 months".
5. Those who DO want relationships, never mind the anti-gay attitude by those for prop 8 and all that, are slammed by others in the glbt "community". Even called "devolved".
6. Put up a personals ad saying you want HIV. You'll get responses.
7. Some Dutch men were arrested for giving HIV to 14 men in an orgy. The charges being dropped because questionable evidence arose; some of those 14 may already have received it elsewhere.

How many more reasons may I cite? There are plenty. And for those reasons, bi as I am, I'd have voted "YES" on prop 8 too. So few in our "community" seem to care; a minority within a minority. What's to fight FOR if examples 1-7, never mind others, speak for themselves?

The "community" has its phony self to blame. YOU are the devolved ones for TOLERATING the circumstances that give the real bashers real credibility. I'm just devolved, remember?

[boyette]

A race is a group of people. Gays is another. Each of these groups has its own place in this world. We all want equality. Others have their issues to deal with. We have ours and we should deal with it solidly and voraciously because that is not our privilege. That is our right... as human beings.

[Rob Tomlin]

I know a lot are disappointed with the defeat of prop 8 but think of how things are going. With each passing generation its getting more and more accepted to be glbt. I will take a 46% acceptance any day compaired to the worst case scenario it could be. One day this will all be a non-issue and gays will have the same rights that everyone else has we just have to be patient and keep plugging away. We may not be around to see the day when this great country develops an evolved sensibility but at least we can lay the ground work and lend a helping hand to the ones without a voice.

[queerplanet]

The ice caps are melting.

The oceans are filling up with plastic and being poisoned.

Water, oil, timber and other resources are running low, or have already been used up. The rest are being poisoned.

The population of the planet increases at three people per second, and yet people continue to breed.

All of the problems of the world get blamed on immoral homosexuals by religious heterosexist freaks.

Are we losing ground?

Uh.... isn't there a larger question here?

[hunter_don2008]

Jason Statham is HOT!

[ejrin]

I'll tell you why we're going backwards, because too many FAGS are afraid of who they are. All they are worried about is "sticking it in." Because of people like that, those who want more than some dick don't have a fair shot.

[Lance]

In response to the networks not showing gay related material in their shows,
Can I get a holla for ABC having a gay character on almost all their primetime shows?
Best part is, only SOME of them are for comic relief!

[Press to Digitate]

Gay Marriage was the wrong thing for us to even WANT. Marriage is an obsolete institution, which fails even in the straight world more than half the time (and we KNOW we're randier than they are...) Gay culture does not need to - and should not - emulate archaic breeder courtship rituals, but should instead develop our own concepts of social organization, more in tune with our unique lifestyles.

The GLBT community made as big and tragic a mistake in highlighting the Marriage issue as did the Republicans - BOTH sides lost credibility and the support of people in the middle. FAR more important GLBT issues, like DADT and ENDA, have been sacrificed on the altar of Gay Marriage. Marriage is a Religious Sacrament; what the State does - with respect to straight couples - is legally enforce a set of rights amounting to a Domestic Partnership. Dont ban "Gay Marriage", ban ALL marriage as a civil function; in other words, get the government out of our bedrooms and out of the business of defining couplehood entirely.

Except for Social Security survivor's benefits, there are NO rights accorded to straight married couples that cannot be created between gay partners voluntarily by contracts, powers-of-attorney, and conventional partnership agreeements. This includes - in all states - medical visitation and decision making. Consult your attorney.

Being 10% to 15% of the population, we have an aggregate political clout potentially equal to the Black or Hispanic communities. That the GLBT leadership has so totally squandered this clout on Gay Marriage instead of equality in employment and in uniform is testimony to our fickle and unfocused nature.

We have nothing to be "afraid" of, acceptance is happening out in society, and more and more rapidly as the World War II generation dies off. From the exit poll demographics, we know that in a decade or so, we will have very broad social acceptance, no matter what happens 'in the mean time' (pun intended).

As to all this handwringing over the media portrayal of GLBTs (or lack thereof), three words: PRODUCE YOUR OWN. Web based video entertainment has now exceeded traditional television in its viewership, and it will replace the conventional cable channel lineup over the next few years. We're the intelligent, artistic, creative ones, remember? We are the actors, the singers and dancers, the dramatists, poets, and thespians. So the answer is to produce and publish; to create a wider variety of better quality gay media - for a general audience. Here! and Logo are fine, but they are directed AT US. Its the QAF and QEFSG that sink into the popular culture, and make a differnce. Now that anyone can buy an HD camcorder for $100, there is no point in fretting over 'how many same sex kisses are on TV'. Go make your own vlogs, podcasts, movies, sitcoms, dramas, documentaries, and reality shows, and promote them to develop a following online. ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX etc. are dinosaurs; obsolete and irrelevant. They are a legacy of traditional straight culture, that are being rendered impotent and moot by the emerging Digital Environment, which we dominate. They are not the Future, WE ARE...

[Gary]

From my perspective here's the problem.

Stonewall meant fight for equal rights. People seemed to have acceptance. For the most part.

But people stop their tolerances when it comes to the almighty God.

It's totally ok for 2 dudes to touch each other, have sex.

But marry? Society sees it as repulsive.

In Canada, when the gay marriage debate happened i heard a lot of well it's fine for they to have sex or whatever but to marry that crosses the line.

The intolerances just seems to be part of the eternal battle....

[David]

I think we are focused on this issue in the wrong direction. We shouldnt be trying to get marriage equality. We should be taking marriage out of the legal system altogether. We should keep marriage as a religious institution and every marriage certificate should be brought to the government and then the government will issue a Civil Union Certificate to all married couples. Anyone not desiring to get "United" or "Coupled" by a religious institution should be allowed to go to a Civil Servant (i.e., Judge, etc...) for a Civil Union. All the tax laws should be changed to reflect the words "Civil Union" instead of "Marriage", thereby giving the religious zealots what they want...the word "Married" to mean a "Religious" coupling, and leaving the Civil Unions to be how ANYONE can be viewed when joined. Its the only way to do this. Remove Marriage from any legal terminology, and let anyone join anyone else regardless of their religious beliefs.

[Matt]

I think the reason we've been less successful lately is that the focus has been on the one issue where most people are not supportive of equal rights - marriage. A large majority of Americans support us on employment nondiscrimination, inclusive hate crimes legislation, and many other issues. I think we should re-focus on those issues. Conservative groups are trying to keep the focus on marriage. That's why they've announced that they're pressuring incoming legislators to support keeping DOMA in place. They want the voters to think of gay people as trying to "destroy" or "redefine" marriage. They've been unsuccessful in trying to distort employment rights and other issues, but marriage is one where they have the upper hand. We need to call their bluff and focus on issues where we have the advantage.

[zarxo]

Who is our leader? Laws are passed that either reflect ethics or morality, which do we carry or epitomize? If you want respect then "be it."

All "this" takes is a religious affiliation that either "purchases" a party's support, or "you" threaten to split the vote on the next election--you have four years!

It doesn't take a genius to figure out the you get tax breaks under a religion. This is a great time to negotiate with a GOP religion, that has an epihany "that gays are part of the 'flock.'" From this, the GOP gathers enough votes and pushes for gay legislation.

Who ever heard of a gay philosopher!

The Federal Government has gays working for them, so what's the big deal--we are in the FBI, the CIA but not in a pew? So god has fighters but not prayers. C'mon "this is make believe." Given "them" what "they" want, and "you" get what you want.

It's so easy and the ignorant fools with money are talking to the wrong people. For example, if I were wealthy, I would be on the phone with Bringham Young University--as if a percentage of their college population is not gay. Who knows, someone may have a gay son--ears ar always open--its the timing the matters!

Could GOP find gay rights? I think so.

[Outside the Box]

There are bigger things going on here on our big blue ship that sails around the mighty Sun folks.

Just a reminder (big grin)

[Sargon Bighorn]

It's interesting how poorly some write and how poorly they express themselves (must be too much TV watching and not enough reading). And the grammar! Holy sweet Gheezuz, were you guys sleeping in English class?

I for one am not a TV watcher and do not get my world view from the TV. I don't form my opinions from talking heads, nor from what some Hollywood actor or actress is saying or doing. I form my opinions and attitudes about my self and the world in which I live from living my life, not watching some "Survivor" or Run Way model live their life. Gay Americans should consider not worrying about what others are thinking of them and start living full, open, and honest lives.

[Bryan Lovsness]

ECONOMIC events in the past six months have TOTALLY been unexpected and scary - to some extent during this period we have also "come together" as one nation in the electing of a new President. These events have stolen the spotlight.
PERHAPS more than anything our allowing GAY ROLES to be played by STRAIGHT ACTORS has diminished our stature - starting with "Will and Grace" and onward into "Brokeback Mountain" and even "Brothers and Sisters" we have seen truly GREAT roles go to straight actors. Why is this ?

[opinionator]

Oh gawd, some idiot (and I do mean the first post) wrote the word thug in his post, and in quotations at that. Is that a new euphemysm? Hell, is 'nigger' too cliched? Do we need to use another word to denegrate a group of people? Is that the new word people from the mid-West or the Deep South use nowaday? I blame B.E.T.

Aside from that, this article proves my point exactly - that there's no such thing as a LGBT community but a celebrity community. You know, black folks used to have something called the Harlem Renaissance if you want to make comparisons between the African American experience to that of LGBT folks. There wasn't TV back then. There was art, and poetry, and music, and theaters, and social critics like W.E.B. Dubois; and yet no TV. You can do great things without TV. And for this article to use TV as a litmus for the improvement of LGBT people leaves me to believe that the faux journalist who wrote this diatribe is probably some cunt who lives comfortably in some deluxed apartment in West Hollywood, and his next door neighbor is Perez Hilton. Junk is junk, and the majority of LGBT folks unfortunately are feeding themselves that.

[Josh]

I'm not sure what all the griping is about. We aren't happy when gay characters don't do enough, we aren't happy when straight people play gay, we aren't happy when gay people don't come out-this is getting ridiculous. If there is something to bitch about, someone will find it and run their mouths.
Why do gay roles go to straight actors? Because most gay actors in Hollywood are closeted and unfortunately, just being gay and an actor doesn't make you the best person for the part. You have to look a certain way to fit in to the cast. Be happy that there are characters whose stories are being told.
And if you are that upset over television shows-quit watching. I, for one, found the SNL in question to be one of the funniest in a long time.

[Dustin]

It seems that some of the gay communities problems are brought upon by the gay community itself. The corner stone of the gay community, San Francisco, is most often seen as very radical and quite frankly crazy. It is a shame that the kind of irresponsible behavior seen in this city on a regular basis is not only not condemned by our community but embraced. It seems as though the gay civil rights movement has shifted from wanting equal right and acceptance from society to wanting irresponsible behavior to be accepted. I am not saying that every gay person in San Francisco is irresponsible or crazy however, the mainstream is seen this way. There are people in society who will never understand us and never want to. Those people can not necessarily be changed but we can help our movement by embracing more responsible citizenship and less "in your face." In the end both sides have their problems and need work but our community can not constantly pass blame to the other side when we have issues to work on ourselves.

[Gregory - iconicscooter(gay.com)]

The community insists on staying in its adolescence.

It lacks leadership and those that would come forward are ignored, thwarted, uninterested or not invited.

Instead of stepping forward and finding ways to eliminate ALL DISCRIMINATION, it only seeks to eliminate its own.

Bringing forth an agenda of supporting ALL AMERICANS gets more Americans on your side toward equal civil rights because ALL AMERICANS can relate, not just segements of the population.

The moment any criticism of behavior from the community is discussed, there are flippant remarks of gay self-loathing, justifications and rationalizations abounding; lacking ownership of choices and inability to be response-able to those choices toward maturity.

When the community has had enough of this behavior they will seek out leadership, they will not confuse a difficult choice with no choice at all, they will be ready to grow up – not for the world to see or impress, but because the community is ready to be all they can be through self-evaluation and self-correction.

[maurizio]

the fault is on gays. because we insist in portrait ourselves as clowns, then when straight girls and guys make fun of us we are not happy. I see this parodies and, frankly, it just represents a gay reality, affeminate, weak, shallow and uber sexual. And what about the "gay parade" in Chicago, New York and San Francisco, drag queens and en in leather, naked boys with victoria's secrets wings and butch lesbians; its a circus; we have lost respect for uorselves and we demand respect from others. Doesn't make sense. History teach us, the weak will always be oppressed by the strong. We need to portrait a better image of ourselves, the image of millions of gays around the world, who not only care for dancing and POTTERY BARN, BUT WHO ALSO WORK HARD, WE ARE DOCTORS, WE ARE LAWYERS, WE ARE POLITICIANS, WE ARE WORKERS, WE ARE ATHLETeS. Not the weak silly queen that women love to hang around and men love to bash on.

[Jerad]

am i the only guy here that is in the closet and understands that sometimes its a lesser of to evils.

[Chemosh]

Networks do what will make them money. They could care less what trash/treasure they put on the air. The only deity the networks worship is market share and the advertising dollars that it brings. But aside from Will and Grace (where Will was pretty much a eunuch) will it even get close. Besides networks have figured out if you want a "gay" audience just get a bunch of women character to say stuff that appeals to queeny gay men (Sex in the City and the ilk). And you can still appeal to women and still not offend their favorite market: MEN 16-35 yo.

And I totally agree on the networks being dinosaurs that are quickly loosing ground. I personally never watch much beyond movies, The History Channel, Discover, TLC and Documentary Channel. On occasion I do watch Gay News on Free Speech TV (Dish Network). If I wasn't so cheep I would probably subscribe to LOGO but that is a different issue.

I quit watching regular Broadcast TV for several reasons but one was the fact nothing there appealed to me as a gay man (except some PBS). I have not enjoyed a network sitcom since Frasier went off the air (which dealt with Gay issues better than any I have seen).

It bothers me that we are so marginalized in the "mainstream" but thankfully there is more media to choose from and I have exercised that right.

[Jeff]

Guys this article is sad and so are some of the comments.You exist only to play the victim and are totally obsessed with yourselves! You are not who you are because of where you place your genitals, you are who you are because of what you can and choose to contribute to society, old or young sick or healthy,lawyer,parent,musician,drug addict.You are the biggest followers of the George.W.Bush doctrine- "me me me!" get out there put yourself last for a day-then a week then for life- do something for other people it can be rewarding!- and guess what you are going to start getting back??? The rest of it is crap, every person knows it deep down. Yes I am gay out and proud but not living your dreary desperate and boring 'give me give me ' existence. "change now for your country".

[james]

Gay men and women were very lax this year in voting and now are trying to change the vote by protesting. I hope that we do get the change but SHAME on ALL you gays who did not VOTE. SHame, SHame,SHame on you.

[JT]

I say its the dam republicians and that religious crap they spew.Like a sewer emptying

[SD]

We are probably the most diverse group of people that exists today. The different opinions of the few people posting here are a reflection of that diversity. But we are seen as one stereotype or another. And usually we are being vilified in the process out of fear, misunderstanding and religious condemnation.

We lose sight of what our one true goal should be, protection under the U.S. Constitution against sexual orientation discrimination. Not gay, lesbian, bisexual or gender identity, but protection against sexual orientation discrimination, period. We muddy our own waters by not standing together on the one main issue.

A Constitutional amendment would give us equal rights of marriage, adoption, discrimination in the work place and the military. Any single gain in one of those areas does nothing for the others. One Constitutional amendment to protect us as citizens of the United States in regard to sexual orientation takes care of all of it. And, no State can make laws taking away those rights.

That should be our one and only priority. The upcoming Presidential Administration, House and Senate may be our best, and only, opportunity to see that happen. Our political "leaders" should be drafting that law. Our community leaders and advocacy groups should be supporting the largest companies with lobbyists that actually have the power and influence to pressure our lawmakers. And our money should be going to the entities that can make it happen, be it a corporation, political action committee or in campaign contributions. It's time we stand together under the one thing we do have in common and use all of our resources to obtain that goal. The rest, so to speak, will be history.