Get To Know Me First before you Vote Against My Rights

In the wake of the disastrous outcome of the Prop 8 vote, and the disastrous campaign that “led” that effort, individuals and groups are popping up to move the fight on to its next steps.

This may be end up being a better approach; decentralizing the efforts away from one group, a group that this writer – along with many others – thinks badly, badly mismanaged the No on 8 campaign, and instead bringing in multiple groups with multiple perspectives to work on multiple fronts.

One of these groups is GetToKnowMeFirst.org.  According to a press release they are a:

“…group of gay and lesbian Californians… they will be "taking to the airwaves" to demonstrate why the right to marry is so important for their families.

The group, GetToKnowMeFirst.org, is planning a campaign of five 30-second commercials to run throughout Inauguration Week in January. The spots will run in both urban and rural markets.

"It's important that our fellow Californians see the faces of the real families that are directly affected by the passage of Proposition 8," said John Ireland, the group's organizer.”

Unlike the original Vote No campaign TV spots, this group is putting a decidedly LGBT face on the issue of same-sex marriage, not couching the fight in object moral terms or esoteric arguments about rights without being rooted in real people’s lives.

Making the case for marriage equality based on the real lives of real people, real Californians, and showing what marriage equality means to them, is, I think, a needed strategy in the fight.

It is a truism that once people get to know “the other”, they are more likely to find affinity with them.  That can only help as the fight for marriage equality marches ahead.

Comments

[terry]

it's about time Gay.com put up stories like these. This is what we should be pushing during Pride Fests, right out in front. Bravo!

[Jason]

Indeed. Much better approach than the childish "throw rocks at me and I'll throw them back" approach that so many people have.

[Kevin]

It pleases me just as a human, seeing gay.com caring also to do articles in this which grows our community. It also pleases me to know that the people in the wave of civil rights understood how to pull all their resources together to get the movement to move. I am glad that gay.com , is taking steps in moving the movement with issues we live with daily, not just in the bedrooms.

[Aaron]

it works better this way in any case - I can't even tell you how often someone is totally homophobic or hateful to gay people and then gets the shock of their life when someone they've already come to know and trust and love ends up being gay. It makes the issue personal in their lives and they have to rethink everything.

This is definitely cool.

[swim_r]

It seems everyone wants to talk about gay marriage all the time. I'm old with the focus on those poor couples who can't love each other as much without being married. No one ever talks about how to find people who want to even date. Seems like everyone just wants to only hookup all the time, except for the people who are already taken. Do no attractive single guys want to not be single, besides me?!

[Wyatt1969again]

Thank you Gay.com

I knew you had it in you.

You bunch of Bad-Asses.

A voice - is no small thing.

A Face - is even more.

Now lets all go kick some ASS (peaceably of course).

p.s.

Sorry about the self defense thing (*Wyatt smiles with a crooked jaw and wicked eyes wondering wildly*).

Woops!

[Adam]

This is great! Why wasn't this the face of the No on Prop 8?

I think it's about time that we show the world that the majority of gay people aren't the ones you see in the Pride parades.

In fact, can we just do away with the Pride parades? I think they are doing more harm than good, that is unless we fill the parade with same-sex families with children and show everyone how normal we are!

And I agree with the others, thanks gay.com for telling us about this. Good call. Keep the good and positive stuff like this coming.

[AgoodThing]

Won't the sight of a gay couple holding small children turn the stomachs of most Americans?

I guess we'll find out.

[Anthony]

Awesome! What can we do to help?

Is this nationwide? If not, it needs to be.

[Jeffrey]

Those little kids would be better off in an orphanage.

Getting married is not a "right", guys. If it were, then the government would be obliged to provide husbands and wives to all the heterosexual spinsters and lonely bachelors eating Campbell soup out of a can. What next -- the government OWES you the partner of your choice? Will the government then FORCE single people to marry their admirers so their admirers' rights are honored?

Having kids is not a right either -- unless you have sex with them the old fashioned way, by making love to a woman, taking care of her, and staying loyal to her through thick and thin.

Until you understand these things about life, you will be tragically confused, whether or not you are able to cow our spineless government into letting you redefine the word "marriage."

[oldkingtroll]

I just saw Milk. His strategy was to attach real faces to the CA proposition that would have gotten gay teaches fired. When the so-called responsible gay leaders of his time tried to make it an issue of human rights, he organized the grass roots.

This time, gay marriage got treated as a human rights issue and it went down in flames. I cannot believe the way people shied away from publicizing the people who had gotten wanted to get married.

Human rights are first and foremost about humans; with them, there would be no rights.

[Wyatt1969again]

You know what Jeffrey – you sure do make it hard for me to be happy about coming to Gay.com to read, write and belong.

Why do you people come here to say these things to us?

For every sick comment like the one you made we are all even more compelled to be included equally.

Who the fuck are you?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Not for saying what you think – No – that’s alright. That’s AMERICA.

But do you even know what you are saying?

What is this “right” and “government” crap which so easily flows out of your mouth?

You say marriage isn’t a right.

Then why does the state of California allow straight people the right to marry?

You attempt to qualify your trick ass statement with some stupid paragraph – explaining that having kids isn’t a right unless you shack up with some broad (sorry ladies).

Go fuck your self pal.

Do you even know what government means? Do you?

Children deserve to run through green grass and scream and laugh and feel loved. They are not some fulcrum to be used as leverage for or against any political or philosophic idea. They want nothing but to be happy – to be loved.

Do you know how I personally know God exists?

I hear children laugh at crazy shit like Sponge Bob or a Crayon or just some other shit.

Shit that really makes no common sense – but is the product of joy.

Children – Love – Joy – God, these things are the same.

People like you make people like me want to come to your house – kick your door in – beat your ass into the ground – drag you outside – and bounce your head off of the fucking curb – and then kick you in the balls until I am satisfied your ability to reproduce has been removed.

But then I look at someone like my 4 years old niece. She laughs all the time and is craaaaaazy smart. Her hair is always scrunchy krinkled – she drags a blanket everywhere – she has meetings with stuffed animals and occasionally a trapped Cat (laundry baskets are also cages – sorry kitty).

So what saves people like you – from people like me? Well in the past – nothing bitch – not a god damned thing.

These days however – It’s the 4 year old. That’s the reason I make the choice not eradicate hateful mother fuckers like you – the mother fucking way I know how to.

My sister has quite a few kids. Her mother is dead. Her husband (someone I’m sure you’d get along with) left her and does not pay child support. If she should die (God forbid – and knock on wood it doesn’t happen) I will raise her children because there is no one else.

Now that does make things curious to say the least. Because if someone like you were to try and take someone like the 4 year old from me – I would rain the fuck down on you like a mother fucking hurricane and when I was done there wouldn’t even be a fucking blade of grass where you once stood.

Violence is the best credential for three types of people.

Those who possess youth

And…

The ignorant

And…

Those who can sleep at night with a clear conscious as the result of a strong God given conviction – who have fought and won – who do wear the scars of oppression – and who, like a long cold night, return always.

I am not young and I am not ignorant.

This notion that Straight people have of Gay men being weak – that somehow we can’t defend those we love – is a fucking myth Brah.

What do you want me to say?

You don’t think I don’t know tons of Gay people disagree with me? You don’t think I don’t know that even the folks at Gay.com read some of the shit – if not all – I write?

Hell – they already actually removed a post I submitted explaining how to break a mother fuckers arm.

They might even remove this one.

I don’t give a fuck Jeffery.

For every big bad back-woods mother fucking bigot - straight the fuck out of any state – you will find the same thing in the shape of a Gay Man or a Lesbian Woman.

We don’t all cut hair mother fucker.

If you think that we won’t defend our children – our men – or our women – you are fucking wrong.

I want to live in a world of peace and harmony. I really do. I know I sound crazy. I don’t want to be violent. I really have been there and done that and it isn’t at all pleasant.

I just don’t how to say this with out sounding harsh.

It is interesting that some things I read piss me off more than others. Sometimes – even I need to snap the fuck out of it.

But make no mistake about it Jeffrey et al.

You start fucking around with my family and I will smite you with a wrath so complete you will wish you were never born.

I will die for my family.

I am not afraid.

[terry]

Jeffery either was over the top snark, or just a very unintelligent human being.

Too bad he won't get his way if he's the latter. Times are changing. And the only one who is confused is him.

[Jeffrey1234]

One of the biggest mistakes of the No on Prop.8 campaign was that there were NO commercials showing our families, our kids, and our marriages. I thought it was a very big mistake.

[Ron]

What is going on. People including the gay world are starting to think we are human. I live in Canada.

How many of us have been with the same person longer then 20 year?

How many of us had to deside wheather to pull the pul of let their partner live on life support?

How many had to go to court to fight their partners family in court as they try to take everything after the partners death?

I can answer me to all the above. The worst is I was made to feel like an outside by both the straight and gay communties.

I am so happy to see adds like these come to life to show we are the same...but I also think the gay communty needs to learn this as well.

[Jake]

I believe these adds will turn religious stomachs and everyone knows those stomachs are going to be the only ones that matter when everything is all said and done.

[Jake]

I believe these adds will turn religious stomachs and everyone knows those stomachs are going to be the only ones that matter when everything is all said and done.

[wolf]

Ok here goes.
One to the person who says they want "normal" folk in the pride parade... define "normal". "Normal" is average and if you want to be average go for it. Remember that the gay rights movement was started by those that you want out of pride. It was started by patrons and the street people around the stonewall bar which was a DRAG Bar later the leather folk joined in.

So Sorry Drag Queens and Leather Folk are the FACE of the Gay community get over it. Get the corporate sponsorships out of it and make it back into a protest march inclusive of ALL of our community. Families, Leather Folk, Drag Folk, Lesbians, etc.

I honestly believe that we need to take pride back from the corporations and the for profit organizations and make it to where it is a protest march for our rights. Don't have it on SUNDAY when no one is there to witness the protest and the people that they effect and affect by voting for prop 8 and other anti gay legislation. March down main street with signs. Did the civil rights movement of the blacks march on sunday and have a big party no they marched down the street and made it OBVIOUS what they were wanting. Yes they had people get violent with them. BUT they continued on and marched anyway and that is what we need to do.

And Jeffery if you honestly believe that those kids would be better off in an orphanage then open one. I honestly believe that if you pass laws that say that we can't adopt children then those who vote for it should have to take on the responsibility of raising those children who are now homeless. And that those who vote should have to take the responsibility for the psychological damage that results from their votes.

That's the issue here it isn't personal to these people they don't see that they are actually hurting PEOPLE and not just voting on impersonal issues.

[Jonathan]

The problem is that on a local level we have lost focus of who the gay community is and what we represent, our weaknesses and our strengths. Sure, some of us are parents, and looking to get married to our committed partners, but that's a very, very small minority of the gay population.

The rest are wondering why nothing ever happens - we try to be the best men we can be. We go on the gay cruises. We get out there and socialize. We go on the blind dates. Nothing. Ten or fifteen years of this, and no, gay marriage is not going to be on the top of your list for things you will go out of your way to support. You start to wonder if you will wind up alone for the rest of your life, and if coming out was a waste of your life. These are the gay men that nobody wants to hear about, because it 'brings the rest of us down' and 'ruins the party'. But these are the majority of the gay men who are not in San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Minneapolis, Miami, etc...these are real gay men who say nothing because they know that nobody wants to hear about it. They don't have kids. They don't have a lot of money. They quietly have been working basic jobs and getting by in life. They would like to find someone to spend their lives with and be happy also, but look at how high our expectations are for a suitable partner - do you think these men will ever find anyone? Today, we have more ways than ever for gay men to find each other - the internet being the major artery - and yet very little has improved in terms of the quality, duration or even second date in our relationships. Is marriage our most pressing problem? Or, for many of us, just finding someone to go out with, who accepts our insecurities, our flaws, is okay with us not being perfect, and actually does call back?

I don't really care about 'pleasing the heterosexual population so they can see who we really are' because I have very little trust in the gay media machine, the same machine that almost always uses young, heterosexual athletes to represent us in photos, thus giving society a very unrealistic image of what gay men look like and who we are. The gay media are so embarrassed about what we look like and who we are that they have to lie and present photos of people who aren't even gay? What kind of community is that? How do you even justify that and in the same breath talk about honesty, acceptance and tolerance? THAT is what drives me nuts about the gay men who 'run the show' when it come to HRC, media, and any kind of advertisements. The average gay man is not represented because we are embarrassed to see who he his, how old he is and the fact that he is an average person without these amazing, millionaire-type qualities that will just blow everyone away. In order to get society to accept us as honest people who are next door, who are out in our gardens and part of our communities, we have to be able to stop lying to each other, once and for all, and just accept that we are who we are.

[Jose M. Gutierrez]

Yeah, cool. All these comments are great and expressive. I do believe that the motherfucker that just showed his ignorance by expressing himself that way and not really thinking, just being mean, is an an ass. People need to get it and the only way that they are gonna get it is by stopping being afreaid and just come out of the closet. Let people know who are, that your gay, that your a good person. Don't stop being yourself and don't be afraid. Be "normal". There's nothing wrong with it, for what is normal anyways. Just be yourself, be happy, and don't be afraid, make good decisions, be smart, make a million dollars if you want to, be a porn-star if you want to. Just remember AIDS. Everybody get together, try to love one another right now, and we will be in Nirvana.

[islandgecko]

wow. This is such a simple idea. Marriage. Yet, after reading these postings, it provokes a lot of passionate opinions [some, a little over the top with anger], and it opened doors to other ideas of who or what the gay community is, is about, and what the gay community stands for.

I see the gay community as growing more diverse everyday. In the old school days - Gays were automatically put into one category and thought of as that one genre for many years. Now, we've slowly come into our own! We're more diverse. We're prospering. We're moving forward. We will get there, where ever your agenda, mine, ours, as a community, Couple, or Family. We've come to far to turn back.

I must sound a little too optimistic, but, I'm not one who likes to look and linger on the negative, the pre-tenses of what might be - and drag the set backs along on my shoulders when I'm trying to move ahead in life.

I see marriage possible. I see the gay community becoming something more for the next generations' future. I see us doing more great things.

Nuff Said.

-Gecko-