eHarmony Ventures Into Gay Matchmaking

eHarmony has launched an online gay and lesbian matchmaking service called Compatible Partners. But will gays and lesbians support it?

On the one hand, there has to be some resentment out there: After all, eHarmony was dragged kicking and screaming into gay matchmaking. The company, founded by evangelical Christian/clinical psychologist Neil Clark Warren, only agreed to create a same-sex dating service as part of a settlement with the New Jersey attorney general after a gay man sued for discrimination back in 2005 because eHarmony refused to accept gays as clients.

Then again, if Compatible Partners delivers what it promises, maybe people will be able to forgive and forget.

Like the EHarmony site for heteros, Compatible Partners is for singles seeking "meaningful long-term relationships" and requires participants to fill out a lengthy questionnaire revealing their values, attitudes, personality traits and interests, which the service then uses to deliver matches.

FYI: The questionnaire for Compatible Partners is almost identical to the one used by EHarmony, with just a few minor modifications, according to The Wall Street Journal, which points out that there is a disclosure on the Compatible Partners homepage informing visitors that the site was developed "on the basis of research involving married heterosexual couples."

To be fair, that isn't necessarily such a bad thing. I think gay men and lesbians seeking committed relationships are looking for the same overall qualities in a partner that straight people seek anyway.

But what do you think? More specifically, will you single guys and girls make use of Compatible Partners, and do you think eHarmony is making a good faith effort to serve gay and lesbian singles through its new dating service?

(image courtesy of Getty)

Comments

[Tom]

I personally did not feel eHarmony HAD to do this. We have other dating sites and I for one did not want to and do not want to support them in ANY way.

[George]

I wouldn't use it. I don't want my money going to Mr. Warren considering he opposed this move for the longest time. I would rather use a site that is LGBT owned and operated.

[DOG]

A very good question was posed in this piece. I find it hilarious that Mr. Warren was forced into this by the same state government that is not so concerned with us having equal rights in every aspect of the law. It would be very funny if Compatible Partners became more profitable than eHarmony.

However, I have no desire to see Mr. Warren and his ilk benefit from a single penny of mine. If he were to disappear off of the face of the earth tomorrow, I would not care. Ok, I might smile and maybe chuckle.

And to be fair, the few straight people I know that have actually tried the site did not like it.

[Johnny M]

Yeah, let me get my credit card out so I can support an organization that only acknowledges gay people when they're humiliated in court. That makes logical sense.

Why would any self-respecting gay person use any site that benefits Nick Warren? We have plenty of gay-run and gay-friendly dating sites.

[james_oxford]

A gay guy actually "sued" e-Harmony because they didn't offer a 'gay' matchmaking service?!!

That's ridiculous. That's like a left handed person suing a can opener company for not making left handed can openers!! It's up to a company to decide if it's a viable option for them to enter into a certain market, not to be forced to do it. America is so backward, no wonder it's in financial ruins.

The gay guy who sued the company has got some pretty big issues if he needs to sue a company into helping him find a date! LOL!!!

[Brian, Decatur, GA]

This is one gay man who won't give them any business! This is an example of the "separate but equal" nonsense that bigots used to justify having separate but "equal" schools for black children. The only thing that eHarmony is hoping to do with this website is to avoid law suits, because now they can claim that they do not discriminate against gay and lesbian people. This is a sham and any intelligent gay person will see this for exactly what it is a weaseling attempt to get gay and lesbian people off of their backs. There are many websites available for gay and lesbian people to find mates. This is an insulting and condescending attempt to placate gay and lesbian people and we should not put up with it.

[Lee Rowan]

I'm in Ontario and happily married to my partner of 9 years... but even if I were not, there's no way I'd give this joker a penny.

However, if they have the same sort of free weekend offers that E-harmony is always advertising--and I were still looking--I might use the service if I didn't have to pay for it.

[Bob Amsel]

No way would I support Neil Clark Warren when other sites do not have to be hauled into gay matchmaking kicking and screaming. In addition, the name "Compatible Partners" suggests in a subtle way that being a compatible parner is the best a gay couple might ever expect. And I expect more. In addition, if you remember Warren in his TV ads (before some ad agency wized him up), the man is smarmy in the extreme.

[annie]

This is like the Jim Crow laws. We will give those gay people all the rights and services that they ask for, we just don't wish to INTEGRATE/INCLUDE them in the perfectly functional infrastructure that already exists. This new branch of the eharmony service just further reinforces the othering at play here, and of course I won't support it.

the only progress i can see made by this business expansion is that one tiny shred of equality has been identified: gays participate in the economy just as straight people do, and there money isn't worth any less. i am unwilling to recognize this as a victory, and i will not participate in financing a service that perpetuates keeping the gay population at a palatable distance from the mainstream.

[Debra Doyle]

I agree with Bob Amsel. I do not support eHarmony or Neil Clark Warren. I would not give any money or time to an organization that fights against us. How ironic. As I sit here and type this an eHarmony ad just played on Lifetime. I wonder, is eHarmony going to advertise that they offer dating services for gays and lesbians on TV?

[Eric in Chicago]

They missed the boat on this one, screw them and their homo-phobic ways. There are way too many other sites that will embrace the power of the gay dollar and not condem us for it!!!

[Sam P]

Supporting this company is tantamount to supporting conservative religious organizations like Focus on the Family. By giving Compatible Partners gay dollars, the LGBT community would be supporting those very individuals and organizations who seek to deny gay marriage, but also overturn every human rights law. Let's hope this is a financial disaster for them.

[Rick]

are you kidding??? I'd disown any of my friends that ever even CONSIDERED using this service. The only reason they're launching the site is purely financial. Well, f*** them!

[sam]

i have no desire to give them my money....

[Sandra]

I agree that he is doing the separate but equal crap to appease the lawsuit. If he really wanted to be inclusive, he'd have just changed eHarmony to include searching for same sex couples, much like a lot of the other major sites already offer. Last I checked there isn't a "gay alternative" to Match.com, Yahoo Personals, Cupid, and dozens of other mainstream dating sites. Not to mention the numerous ones that already are gay owned & operated.

[Dave]

There is NO way I would use this site, or service, as if they cared one bit for our community they would have provided a partner site from the beginning. Obviously they let their religious views intervene in what otherwise probably would have been a good thing.

Given that they ONLY REASON the Warrens even created a same-sex site was part of a settlement, in other words, they would have never included same sex people into their business model. As a community I personally feel that it is our DUTY, to boycott, picket, or by any means necessary avoid using this site. There are other sites out there that have respected us from the beginning, and I for one would use their site(s) first. and hopefully only.

If you (or someone you know) is looking for a way to meet a long term partner, please exercise your rights and use CHEMISTRY.com (or another site) who has supported our rights, and our dreams of a fulfilling, loving relationship with a partner of your choice, regardless of gender.

Thank you, and good luck to all those looking for love.
Dave

[Wolfy]

I will have to say, I have no intention on giving these people any of my money, just like everyone else that has expressed an opinion here.

I will admit that I have visited the original eHarmony site just to see what all the hubbub was about regarding the personality survey. It is quite lengthy and thourough. Now, I did also sign up to be notified when the new site for us is up. I will take the quiz and do the FREE stuff, but I again will not pay someone who disrespects, dishonors, discredits the supposed equality that WE as human-beings are supposed to have.

If the site uses the same personality survey, the site may prove to do good. Also, if the site is successful and makes him money because of all the uninformed LGBT people, then good for him. Maybe, just maybe, the so-called Christian man might really understand what Jesus said when He said "Love thy neighbor like you love yourself" or "Love those around you, ESPECIALLY your enemy".

[Deb Green]

I will NEVER support this site no matter WHAT they ever do. Okay, so eHarmony FINALLY, years after its online premiere, has started "including" the gay and lesbian population - more or less. For one thing, it's a SEPARATE website, which is entirely unnecessary. How about just incorporating it all into the same site??? (Other matchmaking sites do.) We don't have cooties... And for another thing, not only is founder Neil Clark Warren an evangelical Christian, he's a reknowned BIGOT who also heads Focus on the Family - one of the most notoriously homophobic activist groups in this country. Support HIM??? Never.

[Frank]

I think the folks at eHarmony acted to create a separate site for the gay dating communtity, not out of benevolence, or a sense of equality, and inclusion. But rather, because they finally realized how much of the market share they were loosing, eventally it all comes down to money.

[Angela]

I personally wouldn't use it either for the simple fact that I'm not going to give someone my money if they are against us completely and just had to do it because the court said to.Yeah, its a great thing that it was ruled as discrimination against us but I wouldn't at all."WE" as a community don't forget that easily on something so hurtful and hateful in my opionion.

[Endora]

What's too be said, "It's about time"? Let's face it, if they didn't have to they wouldn't have so it's not exactly satisfying from my perspective.

[Jeffrey]

GEE Amazing what a little ole class action lawsuit can do about getting the attention of a hetero dating site.

[Christopher]

Would I support eHarmony? Absolutely NOT!!! They refused for so long and made so annoyingly clear that they were a "straight" only matchmaker. Now...the want a piece of the Gay Pie(Dollars) I think not. There are enough gay matching matching websites out there to take care of the entire U.S. even if every American Citizen were gay. So...as I am so fond of saying..."Fuck'em and feed'em fish heads".

[Sarah]

I will not support them. I know where I'll spend my "gay" dollars. Which is to sites that are actually GLBT friendly.

[Mike In Maryland]

Christians lie? Whoda thunk it?

For years, when Neil Clark Warren was asked why eHarmony didn't allow gay matches, his answer was that (paraphrasing) "it took years and years and years of research to find the right areas of compatibility to use, and then even more research to devise the questions so that those areas of compatibility could be properly recorded and matches could be determined."

Now we find out that the questions are almost the same?

Again I ask - Christians lie? Whoda thunk it?

[GAM]

I don't think I will use that site if I am still single. We should instead support the sites are owned by our family. Who knows that the founder might use the money from his new site to support anti gay & lesbian rights or marriage campaign in the future ?

[Ned in Seattle]

It's obvious that the only reason that eHarmony is setting up this site is to avoid lawsuits. They have no interest in pairing gay couples, and I doubt that they will spend any resources in advertising, etc. This is ONLY to prove to the courts that they do not discriminate. So angry gays will stay away and eHarmony won't make any money. They will then turn to the courts and say that they tried, but it was not a viable business model catering to gays. They can then drop it and go back to their old ways. I'm NOT condoning using the gay eHarmony, but to me it seems to be a "damn them if they do, damn them if they don't" situation. I don't see how this helps us at all.

[lori]

I would NEVER support eHarmony. I can't stand the Chrisitan Right!

[E. Daniel O'Sullivan III]

A) I have no problem with my address being shown odannyoh@hotmail.com
B) I did take their profile test and was quite impressed
C) We have all progressed from the court's demands
D) I noticed there were no alternatives offered
(well maybe a few,but not clearly)
E) I really dont trust any of the gay "groups"
F) Are we sure that these "gay groups" are not owned by "straight people" making money at our expense as straight folks have often done opening gay bars for example. When I came out in the 60's Every gay bar I ever knew of was "straight" owned and most of them mafia owned.
I have joined a couple of "gay groups" and found them worthless. You ask for only local people and get responses from half way around the world. So my guess is that they are not moderated or "computerized" Is there a gay man wise enough to create a complicated form (as this man seems to have done?) No we are asked are we uncut or not,, hung or not, any fedishes. Totally hung up on the insecure gay men out there.
G) we have beaten the christian right in the elections by playing by their rules and their objections of gay people. Why not here.
H) I think that if some smart, money'd person used the same format as that straight group,, HE COULD MAKE A FORTUNE. Or be proud enough to create a real group for free. But I dont see anyone on the horizon. Maybe someone like Bill Gates or Brad Pitt (who says he wont marry Jolie until gay people can get married) I am sure they could find a tax write off to balance the cost.
I) too many gay men are just starting to question who they really are individually, How do they expect to relate to love? So maybe this is much ado about nothing?
Feel free to contact me with your thoughts comments or cures.
odannyoh @ hotmmail. com

[Tom]

Why support a asshole.... I will not give him one penny. They only want the dollor nothing else.

[Sharondia]

I suppose that in today's economic crunch, Mr Warren finds it to be a sound marketing strategy to tap into the gay and lesbian community dollars. I wonder if he has truely changed his mind set or is it the economic hit to his pocket that has prompted his change of heart. I am fortunate enough to have a life partner, who I met on line three years ago; while Mr. Warren STILL thought we didn't deserve or desire companionship. If I were still searching for someone, I would NOT patronize his site. The meer fact that he has made distinct modifications for homosexuals on his site, as if we are somehow different, is a demonstration of his inner thoughts. He still does not see us a equals, but freaks searching for a good time partner, as we spiral into the fire and brimstone hell pseudo christians are always ranting about. He will have to do much more than ask us for our money and patronage. Why not make a good faith donation to AIDS research or a teen homosexual support agency, before taking our money. If he honestly believes we are equals, first apologize and then recognize.

[Josh]

There are better sites that are Gay owned and operated like GetSteady - check it out.

[ScottieAy]

I have to admit that while I was single I looked at eharmony. If I am single again, I would definitely try out the service to see what it had to offer. I agree with Mr O'Sullivan about straight people owning most of the gay establishments and making money off of us. (look at the sponsors for any Pride celebration, most of them have nothing to do with us the rest of the year!).. Considering that most of the gay sites are about ordering in your "dinner" for the evening, or drug-induced "sessions". It might be nice to actually find someone who has similar interests to you.

[rob]

i signed up for compatiblesingles.net (the eHarmony gay version) just to see what it offered. it's a very thorough profile system, which is really great, and has six months free with no credit card needed. do i like these a-holes? no. but are these a-holes being forced to help men find boyfriends? yes.

i don't know if i want to support them, but it's really at no cost to us. i say give it a shot, create a profile and if you're not happy just ditch it. acceptance is found in really strange ways, so i'm not going to ditch the concept altogether.

meanwhile, there's only one profile within an hour driving time. if your area is more lucky, go for it.

[Blank]

i agree with basicly everyone else here, why give money to someone that dosn't like gay ppl. its like a
jewish person buying something from a Nazi fundraiser, not a smart idea lol.

[TheLordofWales]

I think everyone's missing a very important point.
This is a Free Country. If you feel that only heterosexuality is "healthy" and you wish to create a business around it ... that's YOUR RIGHT.

You should not be forced by a court to create a "gay" website.

To me this is a strike against our fundamental rights as Americans; our inalienable rights.

Being forced by a court to create a "gay side" to your business is as ridiculous as being fired from your job for being gay.

I personally think the court is wrong for siding with the gay person on this issue. Reverse discrimination is still discrimination.

The only ethical approach is to have eHarmony tell it's existing and potential subscribers that it's a "hetero only" site up front. Then let the market decide if they wish to support the company.
We're still capitalists for God's sake.

[Chemosh]

Holy CRAP who would use Eharmony!?! For crying out loud how much disgust can one man and company pile on you before a queer man or woman call it quits and LEAVE! Anybody that would use that site is living under a clueless rock or is just self loathing.

[Alex]

I hate the idea! This is the same old separate-but-equal crap! They should just let us join e-harmony. Boycott it!!!!

[Lynn]

There are many reasons to boycott this service. That it was created under court duress is just one of them. The idea that straight couples are looking for "harmony," while gay couples can only find "compatibility" is another. But the primary reason is the eHarmony tie to evangelical extremism.

Poeple don't need these vile eHarmonistas. Use a service that has been offering gay matchmnaking for years, including those established by gays themselves.

Any gay person using the Compatible Partners service is a sellout. Boycott, boycott, boycott.

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