Gay Baby Bust

I love children -- I really do -- and they like me. But I've never wanted the responsibility and bother of my own babies (or, heaven forbid, my own teenagers).

So for a long time, I was content with a complete lack of pressure on me to produce children. I thought of it as one of the many perks of being an out homosexual man: Unlike my straight siblings, I never had to contend with not-so-subtle hints about absent grandbabies. None of my friends ever pointedly mentioned my biological clock. And no fellows ever ruined a perfectly nice first date by asking me whether I wanted children. (Just for the record, guys, this is a terrible question to ask on a first date. Check with your straight girl friends for more tips.)

In the 20 or so years I've been an out gay adult, attitudes toward gay men having kids have definitely changed. All of a sudden, it seems, everyone -- from elderly relatives to tricks I pick up in disreputable bars -- is asking me about my plans to start a family. And I'm not even married yet -- hell, I don't have definite plans for this weekend. But all the gays want kids now. It's like babies are this year's Jack Russel Terriers!

A longtime friend-with-benefits of mine recently caused my mild-but-growing unease with this cultural shift to become outright concern: He is an awesome guy -- a 45-year-old stud who's really smart and funny, too! But he's a total gym-addict who lives in a meticulously decorated loft, takes two gay cruises a year, and has never had a pet. All evidence points to the fact he loves his fabulous life. So why did he interrupt a recent post-coital glow by talking about how much he "wanted kids" -- and opining that I'd be a "great dad"?

(For the record, I would not. And if you think I would, you might not be clear on what a dad's responsibilities are.)

And he's just one of many gay guys I know who are suddenly getting all dreamy about having kids. Of course, there have always been out gay men who truly do want children, and who do so -- often fighting unjust adoption laws and other terrible odds to create amazing, loving families. And I applaud these parents. They have made having children a real, imaginable possibility for gay men everywhere.

I just want to be sure that everyone thinks through this whole "having babies" thing beyond its imaginary romance and political-statement aspects. This is not internalized homophobia; please don't misunderstand me -- I have always thought that it's far too easy for straight people to reproduce, too. Just because you can have children, doesn't mean you should.

I'm glad the gay men who want to have kids can now do so more easily. However, I worry that our love of fads (the compulsion many of us feel to "get the latest thing") is going to make some of us commit to having families when, actually, we just need to go shopping for some new accessories -- or need to channel those nurturing instincts back into our own communities.

Comments

[Ruadhan]

Too true.

And rather refreshing for somebody who really doesn't want kids to read this. I love kids, they seem to like me, sometimes I may even feel like I owe it to humanity to make a kid out of my own genetic material -- but I also have three cats who drive me insane enough.

[Marco]

I too fell under the spell of wanting kids. I ended up moving in with a married couple and their toddler for over a year and now I know full well that I love being an uncle, but I love being able to give the kids back far too much to want any at this point in my life.

[Jake]

I find this article to be true. I, unlike the author, do want to have children and I've always wanted children since I was younger. Therefore, I am not one of those individuals caught up in a "fad". Anyways, I think one has to be careful when you do come across one of those "fad" loving individuals when it comes to children whether you want children or no. Furthermore, I think if you want to have children you really have to weigh your options and to see how much you would want to sacrifice your current life for children. Just ask any gay or straight parent and they can tell you the sacrifices they have to make for their children. So I hope if anyone wants to have children you are responsible about this decision.

[Bob]

Kids are great. I've always wanted children but i find the biggest problem is finding someone else that wants them too. Without that being a dad is really difficult gay or straight and i doubt a single gay dad could meet all the key emotional needs any child has especially in their teenage years. We all have our limits and children test those constantly so with out more parental support how could you possibly provide a child with all the skills needed to become an emotionally healthy adult.

[Jake]

I find this article to be true. I, unlike the author, do want to have children and I've always wanted children since I was younger. Therefore, I am not one of those individuals caught up in a "fad". Anyways, I think one has to be careful when you do come across one of those "fad" loving individuals when it comes to children whether you want children or no. Furthermore, I think if you want to have children you really have to weigh your options and to see how much you would want to sacrifice your current life for children. Just ask any gay or straight parent and they can tell you the sacrifices they have to make for their children. So I hope if anyone wants to have children you are responsible about this decision.

[John]

Im a gay single dad of a 3 year old..at 48 even!! It is something I had always wanted and decided not to wait until I found a partner. It is the hardest job you will ever have and for me its the most rewarding thing I could ever do in my life. It is not a tattoo or a nipple ring. Be responsible and unselfish.

[Jazekiah Brown Jr.]

I am a parent and have two sons. I adopetd them, one when he was 9 and the other later at age 10. They were my godsons (two different mothers) and they were out of control. Just to give you an even bigger picture I am black and my sons are white. They are both grown now. I actually became a parent really young so we don't have much of a generation gap. I was in my early 20s.

The oldest was facing assault charges (he and a friend tried to hang a kid with a jump rope... again he was 9). The other had set his dresser on fire cuz his mom grounded him to his room... he was 10. They both were on Medication for ADHD and had very bad tempers. They were also in special education programs. Both moms had had enough.

My sons were awesome at times and then there were times I was sure I was going to jail cuz I thought I was going to kill them...LOL (especially during the teen years). Both eventually went into mainstream classes and graduated from high school. one went to college and the other is going back.

Would I do it again? Probably not as a single gay man, but I have no regrets. I have had to make many sacrifices while they were young, and at times even felt like I was missing out. But those moments don't last long... My love for my boys is unconditional and they are truly a blessing.

I threw this huge party on my oldest son's 18th Birthday... that night after everyone left, when he was ready for bed he kissed me on the cheek and said thank you. I smiled and said for the party? He said yes... and for my life.

Parenting is not a fad... be sure it is want you want, because it is not all glamourous and it is an incredibly emotional ride, however, if you can love unconditionally and provide a warm, caring, and safe environment your family will flourish.

[muzyqman]

Insanity is hereditary - you can get it from your children!

That said, I helped my best friend, a single mom since I met her in 1975, raise 3 kids. The experience was wonderful and terrible - at the same time. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I don't want to do it again at my age. And I've never felt a drive to reproduce my genes, to make babies of my own.

Mostly its an age thing. I'm almost 59. I have to ask myself, COULD I keep up with a 10-year old when I'm 70? The answer is a resounding "no!" so it wouldn't be fair to me or the child.

I've known a lot of gay men in very long-term relationships, 20+ years. But you better really understand the word "commitment" before you father a being who will control your life for the next 18-22 years.

Because that is the reality of it - a child will control your life. You don't get to have your own social life until your kids are old enough to be left alone.

You may be very spontaneous with your kid, but until he or she is at least 10 or 12, you can't decide at 4.30pm that you're meeting friends for happy hour. You can't decide at 3.30pm on Friday that you're going on a road trip for the weekend.

If you really want to raise a child, speak with people who are doing it. Find out the reality of how it will change your life. And make sure the life you will have is the life you really want. If it is, then I wish you the best of luck and all the joy that I found raising "my" three.

[Jake]

As many have said before, being a parent requires sacrifices. But, a gay man can still live a glamorous life and be a parent. Maybe not a glamorous as they would like, but the concept is still there. I don't think becoming a dad is a "fad". With more and more people coming out, there is more and more acceptance. About 20 years ago, a gay couple adopting was almost impossible. In this day and age, it is more common. I just believe that because adopting is an option in society now, gays are going to take advantage of this option.

[Skipp]

I am one of the few people who have wanted kids for a long time, and actually love having kids around.

What I would suggest for all of those who aren't sure if kids are the right thing for them or not is to test the waters. There are many organizations out there looking for host families for Foreign Exchange Students to go to high school here.

I have been hosting exchange students for 2 years now, and love it. What's really nice is during the times when I'm really stressed out and they're driving me crazy, I can quietly remember that they are going home in a matter of months.

[Rusty McMann]

I'm sure there are a few good gay parents out there, but most of the ones I know (including a blood relative or two) are either total narcissists or hell bent on making the political statement of exercising their G-d given right to destroy another human being, or worse, to prove to the world that we're just as good as straight pple.

Who the hell cares if we're as good as them?! We deserve equal protection under the law regardless of whether anyone likes us or approves of our "families". You guys wanna have kids? go ahead! but stop pretending that it's some higher=purpose calling that's going to make you something more than what you already are.

[AWC]

UGH!...I couldn't think of anything worse than having children! I'm glad the author didn't play into the current trend that one MUST HAVE children to lead a perfectly fulfilling life. I wish more people felt so inclined. There might be a lot less little hellions running around.

[oldkingtroll]

I have raised two kids -- first with someone else and then as a single father.

I have said that I was perfectly happy without children. But also, I would never have known how much happier I could have been if not because they entered my life.

I am a lot less well off because of supporting them. I've spent many nights alone because I could not see myself bringing some other guy into their lives. And on and on. But after all is said and done, one hug from either of them with an "I love you dad" is worth more than everything I could have missed.

Fad - no-f**king-way. Just the simple building of an ordinary life, one day at a time, with no illusions but worth every moment of it.

[GaysianTom]

I would love kids one day. I have nieces and nephews that i jus adored. One day i'll end up adopting or ya know spout kids with some lesbians lol.

[Jeremy]

This is absurd. I full well know there are alot of people in this country that have child when they can't afford to rear the child or other can't properly care for the child but this article suggests that gay men as a whole are so shallow that they will go through the expense and time require to either adopt a child or have one naturally solely for the purpose of joining in on a Fad. Yes I get it, there are alot of shallow idiots out there, gay and straight, but the fact remains that these are the same people that will give up on the whole then long before they actually become a father. Or are you telling me that your gay friends are really so damn shallow that they would go through the whole process just to join a fad. If you are, then I have two observations. 1. Your fabulous, smart and fun friend is really a shallow, conceited idiot. 2. It is people like this, who should not reproduce.

[Andre]

This article was very interesting to read, as just recently I've been thinking about kids. Probably adopting, probably having surrogate mother.

However, I think this article has a few misconceptions.

First off, have a child is not a 'fad' or the 'latest craze' in our community.

I for one am openly gay, but I don't mingle with the gay population on a daily or regular basis because I can no longer stomach the dramas that ensue in the cliques that have been created.

Secondly, even before knowing I was gay, I have always wanted kids!!!

I think what this article fails to mention is the psychological aspect of individuals, especially gay individuals.

I think those or most of us that want kids really want kids because we want kids. Not because we feel we can take care of them or offer them a better home or that we are helping out society. At least that's not how I think.

I feel that wanting a family has to come from a longing within and not just a 'passing trend / fad".

Another thing is, you don't have to have 'another' person to help you if you can manage on your own. I wouldn't mind being a single parent, so long as I can provide for that child and nurture and love them.

Eventually, I will someday adopt a child, or if I'm lucky, have a partner that will adopt a child with me or have a surrogate mother.

I think raring a child is the most beautiful thing ever, regardless of an individual's sexuality!

[xander]

I am glad some people want to have children... it isn't for everyone. Not for me... I personally do not want any... even though I am 22 it isn't something that will change over time lol.
Good luck to those who want children and those who have them

[Wester]

Honestly, this article makes me want to smoke. Heavily. Maybe with a valium chaser...hey...that would make me a 50's housewife...

Which actually is how I feel about kids. I love them. I've always wanted them. I also know that I'm programed to have a lovely home, perfect hair and pets that don't appear to have to excrete.

Is there a Prada baby plan?

[splerk]

Nope.
Who needs the competition for attention. lol
A lot of people say I'd be a great dad only with my neutral good advice from outside the picture.
Plus it is funner being the favorite Uncle from like way out of town to visit with cool gifts for the kids.
If you knew my family, you'd understand that we shouldn't reproduce and why I stay at least 2 states away. lol
I have a better chance with cloning me.

[Miguel J]

Maybe there is a generational gap, but as far as I can remember being gay, and by this I mean ever since I was 11 years old, I have always wanted a family: to marry (a guy), to have kids (3), a dog (Doberman), a maid (Cook me? no), and a job.

It has never been something that was not possible in my mind, the only thing that has changed is the way I planed to have a family. when I was a teenager I thought it would be really cleaver for my bf and I to find a lesbian couple, marry one another have babies and live right next to each other. Now being 21, I take the lesbians out of the equation and have me and my husband-to-be to have kids and keep them ourselves.

This represents a great change in gay culture, my young generation is not as promiscuous as previous generations, we now have options besides just sex with no strings, we want this family the other straight kids are having, we are spoiled like that, we want a Wii, we get a Wii.

I want kids....I better get kids...

[Peter]

Having children? no problem! Dating them (the ones in a 35 yr old's skin)? NO THANK YOU!

I am the parent of a beautiful 15 yr old girl, made the old fashioned way. I, like many men I know, gay or straight, who have children,did not know how I would do with children until I found myself with a child of my own. There were things I did not think I was capable of, that ended up being very easy and natural, while other aspects of being a parent, which I thought would come easy, have been incredibly difficult. One just cannot say, until one does it.

That said, I think several of the men I have met and dated, albeit briefly, were bigger pains to deal with than my daughter. Their self-centered notion that they are the mass of the universe, made it impossible to have an adult relationship. Having children? no problem! Dating them (the ones in a 35 yr old's skin)? NO THANK YOU!

[btuce]

I became a parent while involved in what I thought was a permanent relationship. When that ended, I found myself a single parent. My mom did it with 2 kids,why couldn't I with one. It's not hard because it is so much fun, but it is busy.I've only dated one guy That was too selfish not to be center of my attention. My daughter will always come first, but I have room for both and hope to again soon.

[Steve]

First of all I am a gay 36yo who rushed into a quick easy adoption of a newborn with my partner 4 years ago. Neither of us were ever baby crazy or anything so maybe we fell for a "trend", calling something a "fad" suggests it will go away.

It is the craziest thing I have ever done and never regret it. So glad I didn't have to "think through" it and so what if I didn't! Plenty of people have always found themselves unexpectedly parents why not gays.
However, I know we are in the minority... most gay parents plan and try for years to become parents.

Also, get over yourself and don't have a kid if you don't want to.

[queerplanet]

The population of the planet increases at THREE ADDITIONAL PEOPLE PER SECOND.

Resources like water, oil, timber and all the other stuff consumer freaks love to use are either gone or quickly running out.

The climate is changing.

Gay men are capable of so much more than creating more consumers.

[queerplanet]

Also, upon understanding the climate change, wars for diminished resources and the tremendous increase in population, who in their right mind would bring a child into that?

Talk about child abuse.

[WILLIAM BROGAN]

This gay man who is 38 and lives in San Francisco with his partner of 11 years and our 11 year old cat. He is our child. I am old school gay. I do not want kids ever. Nor does my partner. I don't dislike kids. But I do not want them apart of my world. And the gay community better not start being judgemental like ther heteros and start treating only those gays in committed relationships and ones with children as the preferred members.

[Stephen]

From my experience with dating, what I've found is that a large proportion of gay men are generally too selfish, too self-centered and too immature to have children. So it's not surprising to me that some don't want any. And I'm glad they don't. Some people, like you said, shouldn't have kids.

[K]

My first thought is: "Does anyone realize how hard it is to raise a kid?"

My second is: gay men must come across as *extremely* flighty and irresponsible for someone to say that a gay man is going to have a kid and regret it next year because he mistakenly thought having a kid was this year's accessory. Every bad quality you see in gay men you can see in every other group on this planet. So anyone considering having a child should be responsible and intelligent enough to do that. It's not just gay men. I read enough heart rending stories in the paper about child abuse and worse to say that.

The third thing I want to say is in regards to: "or need to channel those nurturing instincts back into our own communities."

Thank you for not at least saying who those communities have to be. Everyone has to decide who they are nurturing and if it's worth it. A child, a religious community, a plant, the HIV organization in their community, whatever.

[greggy]

At least the author admits to not being able to see past his own penis. That makes his 'observations' at least more palatable. How does he know his 45 year old 'stud' of a friend wouldn't ditch his 'perfect' life for a minivan, a 3-2-2 in the burbs with a kid or two. The author makes no mention of ever having a meaningful conversation with him about a few hopes and dreams. Nope, the author just freaks out when 'Mr Perfect' tries to ask him about his hopes and dreams. I can only hope the author let the poor guy down gracefully.
I'm one of those 'perfect' guys who was a jock and made a little money for college doing fashion modeling. Very few people (gay men) know that all my degrees and post-graduate training is in child development. Or that I work with children every day. I don't hide the fact I'm gay AND work with children. No, I just get shock and outrage over the fact I won't date a guy unless he wants a family.
'Gay Culture' can't change fast enough for me.

[steven]

What happens when the kid wants to know where it's mother is? Someday, they're going to go off and look for their "real" family, then what do you do?

[Thinking about it]

hey guys..
i read all the comment and YEs i do want to raise a kid..

been with partner for 9 years and thinking about it
but where would i star ??

how much will it coast me ??
any one have some info plez let me know

No i dont want to adopt

[Jason]

It's really disappointing to see written that 1) gay men are irresponsible and immature 2) not wanting children is immature 3) raising children earns you license to pass judgement on others. Please, get real.

[BAD]

I'm a 21 year old gay man, who has been out since I was 13. I cant remember a time that I DIDNT want to have kids. Hell, Id be a dad right now if only I was out of college (which I will here in three weeks) and I had the money and stability to provide a good life for my kids. I remember being 16 and girls in my class would offer to carry my children for me and how it was such a cool idea of mine to be a gay father.
I think our society is in a big shift. Not only with GLBT issues but in Sexuality all together. Less taboos, more openess to try new things. I know a lot of older gay men who always thought that it WASNT an option to be gay and have kids. But people in general are growing up in a world where its not uncommon for gay's to be parents.
Its all a personal preference. Some people (gay or straight) never want to be parents, and that is fine. Hell, there are a lot of people out there who have kids that REALLY SHOULDNT. So it goes both ways. But people need to wake up because the world is changing fast and people need to be open minded to the changes.

[BAD]

TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT BEING GAY FATHERS:

READ:
Gay Dads by: David Strah

Its a book full of stories regarding gay couples who have adopted, had biological kids, etc and it has loads of info on where to look to adopt or find a surrogate, etc.

[J]

I don't know why the question "do you want to have kids" would be inappropriate. Why waste time dating someone if there is obviously no future there - it doesn't make any sense and it would be a waste of time. If someone wants children and the other doesn't - fuck it.
I'm also wondering how easy the author thinks it is for gay men to have children these days. It's not like we can waltz into a sperm bank throw some cash down in get knocked up like lesbians. It requires a lot of investment, either in time or money, or both. So I'd have to say gay men who want kids have to be pretty committed to the idea of actually having children before it becomes a reality for them. To compare gay men having children to a fad like having a jack russell is disgusting. It completely belittles the adoption or surrogacy process that we have to go through. Despite what this writer may believe it is no where near as easy for gay men to have children as it is for straight people. In many States you're not allowed to adopt, and if you are public adoption is still a very lengthly process, private adoption you are often at the mercy of the biological parents and who they deem suitable parents and there's also the price tag, the surrogate route is expensive and again you often have to choose the right person, and international adoption is not really an option to gay men any more - most foreign countries have banned a male couple and single males from adopting children from that country.
No offense meant to the writer of this article, or others, but your age shows. I think gay/queer men in my generation (20-30) are much more open to having children.

Steven - you've obviously never had any adopted friends I'm guessing. It's not really like that. Also if people had a surrogate mother they May actually grow up knowing that person, in some adoptions the child grows up knowing their biological mother and/or father.

Greggy there is no gay culture - it's a mash-up of many different mind sets from many different communities, ethnicities, and socio-economic backgrounds. Think of the gay "community" as Toronto. Millions of different people who happen to have at least one thing in common.

In the end if you don't want kids don't have them, but don't get all pissy and bitchy because others do want them. On the flip side if you do want kids don't lambast other who don't want them. To each they own.

[DSM]

I for one had 2 children when I was in my early 20's right before I came out. Now almost 18 years later I have two beautiful young adults that I can almost call my equals. They lived with their mother all these years but 4 miles away from me and they are a constant presence in my life and always will be. I don't regret it one bit. They know I am gay I am very open about it and that does not seem to matter one bit to them. In august my daughter reaches legal adulthood with my son years behind. I am glad I was given a chance to participate in raising them as they love and respect me for who I am as a person not just as their father and I raised 2 very respectful and tolerant people. Another plus to all this is I can get old and not worry about being without a man when I will at least have a family around me and they are permanent. I am honestly looking forward to the day when i am presented with my first grandchild.

[Barry]

For all of the gay people in the world who want to have children I say that's wonderful. BUT, with all of the disadvantages of being a gay person in this world one of the biggest advantages is that we don't have to have children.

[sfbobby]

I do not want kids, never have. I do not even particularly like them. I would be a totally irresponsible parent so best to stay away from parenting. On the other hand, I have plenty of gay friends who do have them,through various means. Some are really good at it, others, well, just trying to build thier white picket fence lives.

[Wendy]

I was like the author and many of you, I liked children from a distance. Take them out, have fun, then give them back to their parents when it is over and done with. My partner at the time was pushing for us to have children, so I finally caved in and said I would think about it. She then came home one day and said she found the perfect child. I was able to meet the baby (she was two months old was addicted to drugs at birth and living in a shelter for drug babies). 27 months later, we have since split up for other reasons, but 6 months ago the adoption was final and we are now Co-parenting [its rough] our daughter. We brought her home when she was three months old and have had her ever since. I fell in love with this child from the moment I held her, she is my everything and for me personally, everything made since - she was my reason for existing. I think children are a personal decision. My mom used to say that everything happens in time, and in time everything will happen. I was 31 when Lexi came into our lives, I really didn't think I was going to be a good mom - neither did my parents. I am - was - very self oriented and career focused. Although these things are still important to me she is my world and all else revolves around her. Would I do it all again - YES! She has virtually no problems and is sharp as a knife, she is my perfect angel.

[gaydad]

Please do not even try to compare having children or having pets. Pets are what children play with to learn responsibilities. If you need practice before having children, then babysit, be a great uncle or aunt and take it from there. Don't be afraid of kids, they're lots of fun. -A

[Robert D. Meek, Jr.]

I never wanted kids.

Never.

I just didn't want the headache.

My (then) partner, a century ago, got all gooey-eyed about it, and said he thought it would be "neat"!

I was floored.

My response: "We'd have to totally change our lives, and everything around this place."

His response: "Why?"

He could not see that as 2 gay men, our home, decor, books, magazines, video tapes, etc., were all okay.

But as 2 (gay men) parents, our home, decor, books, magazines, video tapes, etc., were all wrong.

To this day, I don't understand why he couldn't see that.

[OMGWTFRU]

I want kids, but I know it's not the right place or time in my life.

I'm content with being a single gay father. If I meet the man of my dreams, he'll have to LOVE himself some kids.

Only one thing worries me....

-OMGWTFRU is worried he can't bring his 'gay-by' to the Ab-bey.-

[Don]

My partner and I adopted a 13-year old out of the foster care system. Yes, we knew what we were getting into. Our son has been a joy, and I am thankful everyday that he is in our lives. We hope to adopt another child out of the foster care system. That being said, parenthood is not for everyone. If a person does not think that he or she would be a good parent, I applaud him/her for not having kids. By the way, if you really don't want kids, you'd likely be a lousy parent.

Neither my partner or I are into the "fabulous" life. We have been together 15 years, rarely go out, live in an older subdivision, and I work for the government. And all that was before the child.

[David]

If you want to have kids, fine. I hope you adopt, as there are so many children in the world who need homes.

Adding to the population because you feel your line must continue? Just plain selfish and arrogant, and not particularly loving.

For some is a fad, for others not. I see no need to glorify it across the board.

But most of all I want to say - scream from the rooftops - if you have kids, shutup about it already! You know how parents can be obsessive? You know how gays can be obsessive? Put the two togehter - and you are annoying the hell out of the rest of us.

Go - be a parent. Stop trying to turn it into the event of the season!

[Cam]

Kids stick to me like shit to a blanket and I love them because I find it so amazing how kids just seem to have an instinct that I am safe, and most of the kids who stick to me avoid my brother like the plague, so there must be something to it. Having said that, as much as I love kids, I couldn't imagine anything more frightening than being a dad. I'd lose my already thinning hair and my marbles all at the same time. LOL

[Bill]

I am happy for those who truly feel called to be parents.

As for me, being an uncle from time to time is plenty of involvement with kids.

I believe in child-free flights, child-free resrots, and child-free restaurants.

I am not certain all gay men or gay couples are doing themselves or the kids a favor by jumpoing into parenting.

Many of us have found deep satisfaction in our relationships, our friends, our careers, and our extended families.

[jchip]

I'm a single, 40 year old man who has wanted kids for a long time. However, I also know that just because I want something doesn't mean it's right for me to have it. I know I couldn't handle a child on my own financially or with my career, and it just wouldn't be right or fair to a child.
My own father always felt like an "old dad" because he was 37 when I was born and couldn't do as much as he would of liked because of health issues, and I just don't see the prospects of finding a partner who would want kids before I would be a "really old dad".
So while it hurts a little, it is something I have come to accept as best in the long run. Children of my own will not be a part of my life.

[Dave]

First and foremost, the question "With more and more gay men having children is it wrong to not want kids?" is the wrong question to ask. It questions whether those of us who don't want kids are selfish, greedy, irresponsible, etc.. It takes a VERY selfless AND responsible person to become a GOOD parent. I know because my mother was just like that. Gave my sister and I her all and one of the most responsible people I know at every level. I could only wish to be more like her.

Back when I was not even a teenager yet (I'm 30 now), my mother swore that I'd be the first to give her grandkids. I make enough to barely get by on my own, have not-so-fabulous credit, rent a room from a friend of mine and am about to move across the country. Am I ready for a kid? Do I even want one? Hell no!

I totally applaud those who have kids, whether they are your own genetic line or adopted. You are to be commended for being responsible, totally, for another human being.

Every good parent should be given a reward for a job well done. You deserve kudos for helping mold a great person! Every person who realizes before succombing to some illogical pressure to have kids that they would not be suitable parents, kudos to you for being yourself!

[child_free_by_choice]

My partner and I have a name for the swelling legions of gay dads we see in the Castro [is the wall^H^H^H^H hill b/w us and Noe Valley getting shorter?]: Traitors.

[ROB]

hi i just want to say if u want a kid u need to know u will love them no mater what and let them know it if u do through out there years of growing up they will develope into what they r surpose to b i helped raised my neices and nephews and one kid i loved more then anything he is now a special young man he knows i am gay and i never pushed nothing but love on him and as a teenager he still loves me as much as he did when he was a kid so if u addopt make sure u want and can love that kid nomater what