Op-Ed Can Guys Actually Be Bisexual?

There's a joke that's been floating around for a while. Questions: What's the difference between a gay guy and a straight guy? Answer: about a six pack. For many gay men, landing a straight guy is tantamount to getting a great job, buying a Porsche or heading out on a two-month trip of Europe. It's a goal a lot of gay men set for themselves, but one that they rarely achieve. When they do, questions arise: Is the guy really straight? Is he bisexual? these questions usualy beg a final question: Is it really possible for a guy to be bisexual? There are a lot of opinions about this, but when you ask gay men, the answer is often "No."

In our culture, if a guy has oral or anal intercourse with another guy, most would say that he's gay, because, for many of us, "being gay" describes a man who has sex with other men.

Sure, we can say that many other things go into being gay, but sexual activity is what many of us believe what makes up the person who is gay. A man could be into leather and Levi's; he could really like theater; he could really be into fashion. These interests don't necessarily make a man gay, though. But when this man has sex with other men, there's really no denying what camp he falls into.

So what do we make of these guys who define themselves as "bi"? Are they really fooling themselves as they screw their way down the path to gayhood, or do they really enjoy having sex with women? I realize that some people are just sexually charged and will take it wherever they can get it. But I say that if you're a guy having sex with another guy, chances are there's a part of you that's in denial, and only time will tell when you finally come around to the realization that, yup, you're gay.

A lot of guys are all about animal instinct. We get it when we can. We need to drop our seed and move on to the next guy. OK, OK -- I just heard a collective scream from all of you who believe in the sanctity of a monogamous relationship. Of course emotions play a role in gay male relationships, and there's no question that men can commit to each other. But think about how many gay couples you know who play around, either together or separately. Why? Because gay men like to screw.

And we like to watch people screwing. How many porn stars are "gay for pay"? These hot, buff, sexy guys who start out doing solo scenes, and then they let some guy have oral sex with them, and next thing you know they're a Falcon exclusive bottoming for everyone. But then you hear they have wives or girlfriends away from the cameras who are very understanding and supportive. Or are they just stupid? Are these guys really doing it for the money and fame and glory? My opinion is that they're not bi. They're not straight. They're gay and they're fooling themselves. Or they're fooling us. But do we care? As long as they bring the six pack, we're usually pretty OK with it.

(Image courtesy of Getty)

Comments

[Tim]

Please see J. Michael Bailey: "Gay, Straight or Lying?"

[r3gul8or]

Tim - "We're out to expose the bisexuals underhanded malicious agenda and to educate GQLT citizens about the dangers and terrors of the bisexual"

Funny, I heard the same thing in school. Except it was a commentary about a straight white man from Alabama talking about the dangers of blacks mixing whites. There are no terrors in bisexuality. You offer nothing except that bisexuals are supposed cheaters and sex fiends, both of which are laughable since I know WAY more gay guys who have cheated. Does that mean I have the right to generalize that all gay men cheat? Hell no. It just means it happens because some people are more prone to cheat than others.

And please don't "Mwah! Xoxo" me. I do not agree with anything you are saying and think you are a very hate filled individual who just needs his ass royally kicked.

[Tim]

Answer me this php_guru:

Being dumped by someone you think is gay for the OPPOSITE gender, makes it all the more particularly crushing, baffling and shocking for the honest Gay guy being abandoned.

Bisexual cheating is considerably more treacherous, terrifying and disheartening. :(

What defense do you have with THIS reality?

[Senshu]

If you can't say anything insightful, you may as well say something to get attention, eh? The comment about how men can't be bi but women are was especially well crafted for trolling. Good work.

[r3gul8or]

Let's flip it Tim.

Let's for example, say you are married to a woman. You cheat on your wife for a man because you are gay.

Now what is "considerably more treacherous, terrifying and disheartening"? The "bi" equation has been removed since you 100% identify yourself as gay.

You're not bi. You're gay. No matter what gender you cheat on and for, it always treacherous, terrifying and disheartening. But, as an adult which I am going to assume you are, it's part of life. You pick up the pieces and move on.

[Tim]

r3gul8or: "..you are a very hate filled individual who just needs his ass royally kicked."

My, my, my.. someone sure is insecure enough to resort to violent threats. ;-) I know this is a hard reality to address, but it must be done. Take a deep breath and calm down, hun.

Yes, some people are more prone to cheat than others.. and those "people" are bisexual men. And as far as you knowing "WAY more gay guys who cheat" than bisexual men, that's YOUR experience. You're not looking at things on a larger scale. The malicious bisexual male cheating is much more pervasively underhanded than any gay man cheating, in light of the fact that bisexuals viciously bounce back and forth between men and women.

Compare me to white supremacists all you want. You and I both know it's nonsensical. I'm not advocating "cleansing" the Gay community, I'm just unearthing a reality that nobody wants to address: bisexuals ruin lives.

[bisexualmale]

@msuboi08
Talk about head cases.
In the article "Dating Bradford; Battling Beauty" you commented :
"Attraction is a matter of personal preference."
And now you speak on behalf the entire bisexual community about how they feel and are?
Who's flip-flopping now?
Can't you pick a side?
Oh..where have I heard that before :o)
You're laughable,as is everyone else taking your stance. Simply laughable.

@Tim - I'm sure there is just as much evidence that some gay men are as vicious as you claim bisexuals to be.
And straight males for that matter.
And lesbians..and straight women..and...
Ever consider avoiding generalizations altogether and treat people as individuals apart from their category?

Also, when you limit yourself to reading or quoting the likes of Dan Savage and Ted Haggard, you make yourself as laughable as @msuboi08 .
Actually, even more so.

[Tim]

r3gul8or..

I'm not talking about men who end up embracing their homosexuality and sticking to it in the long run. Good for them for realizing it, better late than never.

I'm saying the "true" bisexuals who maliciously bounce back and forth between men and women are particularly terrifying and destructive. They are volatile, heartless individuals.

[r3gul8or]

tim -

"It is time to eradicate the homopho-B-ia in LGBT. " Posted by: Tim | April 24, 2009 at 01:46 PM

"We're out to expose the bisexuals underhanded malicious agenda and to educate GQLT citizens about the dangers and terrors of the bisexual"

"I'm not advocating "cleansing" the Gay community,"

Sure sounds like it to me.

And you are right, that is MY experience. Just like your hatred is YOURS. You have nothing to back up your disgust in the bisexual community.

[Anon]

The article is lacking in either evidence or sufficient logic.

Does it exist? Sure. It wasn't all that uncommon in Ancient Greece and Rome.

John Wilmot, the Earl of Rochester wrote about it in his poetry.

Alfred Kinsey's studies indicate a spectrum of human sexuality with exclusively homosexual and exclusively hetereosexual at the far ends. Everything else falls somewhere between.

Nothing is merely black or white. Everything can be shaded gray. Look at any legal or philosophical argument. Nothing is clear-cut. Everything is gradiated.

[r3gul8or]

So if a gay man breaks my heart, is it alright for to say, in your words, "[all gay men] are volatile, heartless individuals."?

[Tim]

@bisexualmale..

You're clearly trying to justify your sick, underhanded and malicious pattern of ruining the lives of Gays by annihilating their security, contentment and taking advantage of their trust in you. It truly horrifies me to realize the level of bisexual viciousness that contaminates our community.

[Eug]

I agree with most all of what's been said from the skimpy article, on.
Truth be told, true bisexuals have it worse than straights or gays, being torn between one or the other. straights and gays have it easy. They choose a partner and for the most part are satisfied with what they have. bisexuals are torn from one to the other, no matter who they're with. My blessings and sympathies go out to those torn between two lovers.

[Tim]

r3gul8or..

First of all, I never once said that I was out to dispose of people.. but rather their actions (deceit, hate, double-crossing): "the homopho-B-ia in LGBT." As far as the cheating goes, bisexuals are PARTICULARLY more prone to cheat.. AND their cheating is significantly more crushing, baffling and shocking for the one being dumped (gay man or straight girl) if it's for the opposite sex.

The Kinsey Scale is outdated and misleading.

[servant_36]

go figure, the world's largest gay site comes up with this brainless journalist who couldn't form a thesis to save his life. So unprofessional.

Any cheating, be it bisexual or homo or hetero is bad, also bisexuals tend to have MORE to think about when they are thinking on love and attraction, vs heteros and homos who have this tiny small narrow attraction.

I think anybody who doesn't see the attraction in both sexes and any version of gender was probably brainwashed by gay media and hetero media.

[Tim]

~Save Our Community from Bisexuality~

[r3gul8or]

states who besides your own thoughts?

btw,

"It is time to eradicate the homopho-B-ia in LGBT. " Posted by: Tim | April 24, 2009 at 01:46 PM

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eradicate)

Eradication: is the elimination or destruction of a thing or group.

Eradication may also refer to:

* Genocide, the deliberate, systematic destruction of an ethnic, religious or national group of people
* Eradication of infectious diseases, the reduction of the global prevalence of an infectious disease in its human or animal host(s) to zero
* Intentional local extinction, or extirpation, of an introduced species
* Intentional extermination of a population of insects or vermin as part of pest control

[php_guru]

Tim: I find absurd your idea that bisexuals are ruining youth... It could well be that you despise the fact that more and more kids are coming out as bi -- ie, they get twice as many chances at getting laid (which is only a myth that festers in a shallow mind, of course) ...this would make all the more competition for you (the strictly-gay, man).

However, I think the animosity from some gay men toward bi men is over the fact that a bi man's "prime" lasts much longer than a gay man's...from what I've seen. I'll be gracious in saying that a gay man's prime lasts until 26, whereas bi guys prime throughout their 40s...again, from what I've seen and what people tell me.

And the fact that gays don't feel like we bi's live the struggle -- but this is just a guess.

....you then said..."Being dumped by someone you think is gay for the OPPOSITE gender, makes it all the more particularly crushing, baffling and shocking for the honest Gay guy being abandoned.

Bisexual cheating is considerably more treacherous, terrifying and disheartening. :(

What defense do you have with THIS reality?"

I have no "defense" for that. I don't go around defending bi's simply because I am one. (Something you should take to heart, really.) That is YOUR reality -- not mine -- and you should have more carefully chosen your partner. You are generalizing YOUR situation to an entire population, which is ludicrous. You know...I know a few gay guys who have AIDS,...does that mean that YOU HAVE IT!?!?! Oh wait, I know a ton of cheating gay guys: so you must be one too!? Do you see how flawed that sort of thought process is and how yours argument is identical in nature?

Personally, I'm glad your sort steers clear of bi's... that's one less rock to sort out from the gems out there.

[Anon]

Kinsey's studies, while arguably inaccurate on the percentages of homosexuals in the population, is pioneering of a more inclusive view of sexual orientation. It's a step away from Freud and other psychological thinkers who thought it was purely environmental or learned behavior.

You're out of your element here.

[r3gul8or]

tim -

and yes that was smart-ass response.

[Mike]

Not sure why this is so difficult for some people but here goes:

gay = only likes to have sex with same sex

straight = only likes to have sex with opposite sex

bi = likes to have sex with either sex (even if they prefer one gender over the other)

Class Dismissed

[Anon]

I think Tim is a provocateur. He doesn't really believe what he says, but he simply wants to stimulate debate. It's useful in its own right, but his handling of Devil's Advocate is crude at best.

[Tim]

And you guys have the gall to imply I'M the bigot? You all sound incredibly intolerant.. it's either your way or the highway. I, on the other hand, am open to hearing your points of view and engaging about them.

You're all clearly trying to protect and defend your sick twisted ways. You want to perpetuate your nasty justification that you can "have your cake and eat it too." You destroy and annihilate the lives and contentment of a vulnerable minority (Gays) who already have it bad enough. Shame on you malicious bisexuals.

Gays and Lesbians are catching on to your hateful, duplicitous, heartless ways more and more. Acceptance of your vicious ways is coming to an end.

[Tim]

After many thorough observations of unfortunate and negative behavioral patterns and extensive research, I believe it is time to completely unearth and face the all-too-overlooked pollutants, hazards and menace in our own backyard: homophobe collaborators (the wolves in sheeps clothing), the maliciously sexually ambiguous (resulting in pervasive and crushing duplicity, cheating and pain) and lurkers that suffer from internalized homophobia (those who perpetuate their self-hate by sugarcoating their sexuality with incessantly forced displays of "manliness" and insistently isolating and degrading the "other" gays, or "stereotypical" ones) We must expose and disinfect these contaminants that will stop at nothing to shatter our lives, contentment and existence. These unnoticed and appalling forms of underlying poisonous homophobia in our own GQLT Community needs a vocal platform for decontamination. This is it: the Save Our Community crusade.

[billsmith]

It's about time someone wrote on this topic. Who are we fooling? Men cannot be bi and if they think they can be, they are fooling themselves. And for the people attacking the author -- do you not know what an "op-ed" is? this is an opinion piece.

[Tim]

I am not hateful.

But yes, I am angry: with the vicious anti-gay pattern that is exhibited by the homophobic "bisexuals," and the lengths they have gone to (and will continue to), to subtly disregard, defame, stigmatize and socially/sexually terrorize Gays, Lesbians and Heterosexuals. There is no such thing as a "bisexual victim," they are simply the perpetrators of homophoBia, lies, bigotry and malicious ambiguity.

[Tim]

GREAT points billsmith!

[Tim]

Why should we (as out and proud Gays and Lesbians) confide, engage and trust in a "part-straight/part-gay" person (a bisexual) who will undoubtedly backstab us and end up siding with the heterosexual bigots, in order to escape anti-gay terrorizing, bashing, discrimination, oppression and persecution?

Why should we (as out and proud Gays and Lesbians) respect and embrace a group of people (bisexuals) who collaborate and pal-around with heterosexual homophobes, yet want to simultaneously enjoy the benefits and luxuries of our flourishing and loving Gay and Lesbian culture and community?

[r3gul8or]

Tim -

"I, on the other hand, am open to hearing your points of view and engaging about them"

LMAO!!!!! What the hell have you been smoking? To be open you would have to be able to directly debate on the issue and bring to light evidence to support your views. And the ONLY reason you are so-called "open to hearing [our] points of views" is b/c its a forum. I post, you post, I post, you post. That's how it works. Based on your very hateful ramblings, if this was a live debate, you would closely sound like Dobson telling the world why gay men/women are evil and need to be "changed".

And yes, I have every right to compare you to a white supramcist becuase the only difference between your ramblings and theirs is they use the word "race" while you use "sexual orientation". Same thing. Same argument. Same failed attempt at not trying to sound like a bigot.

[Tim]

CHEATING: The difference with the bisexuals, is the particularly extreme, grotesque and profoundly heinous manner that they execute their unfaithfulness/cheating: by viciously bouncing back and forth between men and women in an unstable, hedonistic and ferociously ambiguous way. Their habitual malicious sexual-equivocality (vagueness) spreads nastier experiences of misery, destruction, pain, and turmoil for everyone involved.

[r3gul8or]

Tim -

Oh yeah. how can you say you "are not hateful"? Seriously, re-read your crap. Its one thing to say you dont agree with the lifestyle, its another to talk about eradicating it or "disinfecting" it. Maybe you really really believe you are not being hateful, but, I'm sorry, there is way too much evidence in your posts to say otherwise.

[southernguyNC]

What a tired topic. The first comment from Jim in Indy says it all. Didn't Kinsey explain all this in the 50's? If we all fall somewhere on the scale of "exclusively homosexual" to "exclusively heterosexual" doesn't it follow that some guys' sexuality will fall in the middle, just as some will fall on either end of the scale (and every degree between)?

[r3gul8or]

"CHEATING: The difference with the bisexuals, is the particularly extreme, grotesque and profoundly heinous manner that they execute their unfaithfulness/cheating: by viciously bouncing back and forth between men and women in an unstable, hedonistic and ferociously ambiguous way. Their habitual malicious sexual-equivocality (vagueness) spreads nastier experiences of misery, destruction, pain, and turmoil for everyone involved." Posted by: Tim | April 24, 2009 at 03:22 PM

Again, based on what? Your experiences? Dude seriously. this EXACT thing you said can be applied to straights, gays, transgenders, bisexuals, really anyone who decides to cheat. And who says all bisexuals cheat? Thats like implying all gay guys cheat.

[wehocanews]

@Tim and everyone else

Looking forward to seeing you at the dance tomorrow night.
http://www.lagaycenter.org/site/PageServer?pagename=Bisexual_Community_Events

[r3gul8or]

Anyways, I'm done. This is a going-nowhere thread that is only further fueling the fire that is called Tim.

[Bunky79]

The whole "we" word needs to take a backseat when you're stating opinions
Not everyone is the same and should not be categorized the same way.
That shows a serious level of closemindedness and stupidity and proves only one thing..some people needed to be born with gags over their mouths.
I have always been committed to anyone I've been in a relationship with, and am Bi..and let's see..women are emotionally driven more than men? why did both women I ever loved...fuck around then? oh let's see..could it be...they are sexually driven just as much as some guys? Oh no..cause that would prove you are a dumb ass....but just between the losers who believe the shit in this article..and the winners like me...who look good, without having to screw around and creative chaos...I just told the truth.

[php_guru]

Tim: The text from your take on cheating is below... I changed the word "bisexual" to "GAY" (any orientation works, really), and changed "men and women" to "partners". Hmmm... Sounds like the majority of gay men that I've come to know -- and yes, I've known a few bi's and straights like that too -- but more gays by far.

-----
CHEATING: The difference with the GAYS, is the particularly extreme, grotesque and profoundly heinous manner that they execute their unfaithfulness/cheating: by viciously bouncing back and forth between PARTNERS in an unstable, hedonistic and ferociously ambiguous way. Their habitual malicious sexual-equivocality (vagueness) spreads nastier experiences of misery, destruction, pain, and turmoil for everyone involved.
-----

Of course, I think cheating is cheating .. regardless of orientation. ...and I don't mean to generalize by using the term "gay" in that example, guys, sorry for that... just trying to illustrate a point in stick-figures for obvious reasons.

[warm in chicago]

I got so amused at your article with the assumption between a gay and straight man is a six pack! Get real, not all gay men live in gyms. What rock do you live under?

[pm]

does that really matter's how you call them, or how you call us ? the tags are driven by some sort of idiotic behavior in our society, which we all tolerate ! In fact sexuality is now reaching some sort of lines that previously had ( and still) divides many Religion's.. I am wearing a cross, does that make me Christian ? if yes then i am never baptized, and i am born in a Hindu family... I do believe in god, but does I really require a tag religious tag to believe in god ? does feeling the love requires to follow one specific god ? No, all you need to understand humanity... and once you are connected to a remote person with humanity, that is your friend forever, to whom you understand,,, and he understands you...

now to your question...we are One Human race, and sex is a very strong emotion to express yourself.. nothing else !! now a straight gay doing sex with males on camera to earn money for her GF, do you see which instinct was heavy ? was that the porn star instinct, or was that the money instinct, or was that the instinct that he has to feed her GF ?

there are various factors that drives human behavior... the problem that we don't realize this is because we are driven by our own behavior too, in which the driving force is our heavy instinct(gay sex in this case of analysis), rather then the instinct of the person in focus...

P.S. you can analyze almost everything with this logic, even the Islamist... in which the driving instinct is what they consider a perfect human being ( Mohammed in islamist case), and tries to replicate their behaviors on his frame .... rather then on human frame !!

[Blitznackered]

this article is bullshit....Ive been dating a guy now for 5 yrs and i love him to death but i also like having sex with women too i just dont date women.....anyone who thinks that bisexuality isnt real needs to have their head examined and the person who wrote this inital article needs to have a reality check...you say on one hand guys cant be bi but on the other hand you say women can be bisexual...why the double standard...GET a clue

[NONYA]

wow.. This is the most hideous article I've ever read here.

1. Bisexuals are real. Probably born that way.

2. Straight men who have had a gay fling aren't bisexual.. They just had a fling.

3. You puke in your mouth when talking about pussy...hmm.. but I bet you eat ass.

I'm gay and I find this to be highly offensive.

[Jack]

More gay leftist politics.

[php_guru]

NONYA:

1) not sure on the nature/nurture thing, myself, but we definitely exist! :)
2) I agree; it's nice to lay back and be serviced while in full relaxation, no matter your orientation.
3) ROFLMFAO! Well stated.

The fact that you're gay and find this "article" offensive is an ode to the fact that we're all more on the same page than a few naysayers would prefer we think.

[Blitznackered]

oh and this is for that "tim" jackass.....even tho i been with my bf for 5 years....He also knew from the beginning of our relationship that i like havin sex with girls too and weve discussed this at great lengths and he doesnt care as long as im "safe" i alway suse a condom and he has even met the chicks ive fucked so how does that make me

tim's quote

I'm saying the "true" bisexuals who maliciously bounce back and forth between men and women are particularly terrifying and destructive. They are volatile, heartless individuals.

YOU ARE A BIGOT AND A HYPOCRITE just because your not "bi" doesnt make people who are bad

So stick that in your BIG Gay Pipe and smoke it you biphobic bitch

[Nick]

when i was 18 i knew what i wanted. I was gay. Be four i would say i was Bisexual i would go straight. i know what i want.. plus....
That's great if a guy want to be bisexual if he want to. I will never date a Guy that is bisexual plain is that.

[Your Mom]

I find this insulting and heterosexist.

[Discovery_Channel In WV]

Well, I must say I do believe men can be bi. My thought is that men can enjoy the sexual company of both men and women (bi) and that men just bottom line enjoy sex ( sexual ). My being gay, means more than what gender I sleep with. It also means I am capable of having a "relationship" thats consist of more than just sex. There is Love, trust, commitment, monogomy, everything you would find in a stable relationship.

Now, speaking from exprience, I have been with a man in the sexual sense now for the last 6 years, who claims to be bi, now I will admit there is emotion there. To say there isn't would be silly. My "friend" enjoys my company, sexually, and we do have a strong friendship, but not a relationship. He has voiced on several occasions that he only enjoys the sex with men, but he has never had any feelings of "love" or a desire to spend his life with another man. He likes to hang out drink a beer or two, then He wants to get on get off and call it a day, and its been that way for 6 yrs. He has been with other men, and he is very firm( no pun) that he has not had feelings for these men nor myself, that You or I would have if we were in a serious committed monogomous relationship.

There is also the flip side. I have known men who have and can be emotionally involved with both men and women, and have a healthy monogomous commited realtionsships

In closing I just believe that there are men that are completely hedonistic, and will dip it where ever it feels good. The gender that a man has chosen as the flavor of the moment, does not determine that he is gay. But really guys, who gives a Sh-- about labels, as long as individuals, are haveing fun, communicating and playing it safe. Lets get over the "gonna land me a straight guy" thought and just have a safe good time, and if you are one of those guys who falls for a guy soon after a sexual encounter, then maybe bi men, are not your thing, you may end up having your emotion stepped on because they wanted a nut, not your heart. Forget the labels and COMMUNICATE

[twiggie_]

I'm a proud bisexual. I have dated, and have had sex with both sex. I enjoy the male dominance and masc. qualities, but have also enjoyed the female compassion, touch, etc. Both sexes are great in their own ways.

Personally, I found this article offensive. Its taking a single gay guys opinion on another group that hes not even a part of. I do not deny that their is a phase of coming out for some people where they are "Bi" but are just closet gays. Not all people are like that. Some of us actually like both sides. And its sad that a gay minority is picking on another minority that shares its pain, and generally helps the gay population.

Oh, and the "I think I just puked in my mouth a bit" that's classy, thanks. *cough* Douche *cough*

- Twiggie_

[ken]

first of all tim the tool, men use other people for sex whether they're into men, women, or both. deal with it. it's part of life, and just because some screeching gay is going to whine about MALE BISEXUALITY being a myth, it's not going to stop male bisexuals from having sex with both. just because it's one less dude for you to find a boyfriend with (which would probably last for six months til you run to the next one), doesn't mean you have to get on your period. sucks having limited options doesn't it. but gay guys and straight women who bitch about this make me laugh (and i'm doing so while finding more bi women and bi men to play with)... and i'll say this again, if the author of the ridiculous article had say you're either gay/lesbian or straight, and said that women could not be bisexual either i would have at least given the argument lip service. but to me it's just a bitter lonely queen bitching about the lack of men for him.

[zarxo]

Of the bi-guys guys that I have dated and I use that term loosely, the bi-guys have had no problem hanging with their legs from the chandeliers!

Although, I have great faith in the word bisexual, in the atypical bisexual men, I do not: I have found them to be latent homosexuals and given the right exposure--in the end make great gay men.

Can men be bi, yes. Are most men bi really bi, no.

We would have a clearer analogy if the U.S. culture were more accepting and less discriminatory--but isn't this becuase of intelligence and education?--and aren't the churches at part blame for perpuating--this cultural divisions?