Op-ed #2: Can Guys Actually Be Bisexual?

[Editor’s Note: This is the second opinion-based blog posting answering the question, “Can Guys Actually Be Bisexual?” You can read the other posting here.]
http://hottopics.gay.com/2009/04/can-guys-actually-be-bisexual.html

Let me pull my mouth away from my boyfriend's crotch long enough to respond to this question. Yes, guys can be bisexual. I’ve been bi all my life. So, for all you unbelievers, let me say for the record that your uneducated position has now been, shall we say, straightened out. Now you tell me why you refuse to believe in the existence of my female and trans lovers. Do you have the right to define what I am? Or is it that we're challenging your commercially informed definition of "gay"?

In the United States, we’ve shoveled toxic sex miseducation so long that queers have no reference to the vividness of their own history. “Just say 'No'” has led to a thought process that demands an either/or mentality. Folks (some of them very talented) who have had sex in ways other than hetero are elevated to the title of “sex expert.” They’re asked questions by straights as if these folks really know all the secrets. Some write well, so they're paid for their "knowledge" (or lack of same), thus supporting our sex-negative society. They’re widely quoted as experts in sexuality and gender: "sexperts," so to speak.

The “I have had sex so I know all about it” perspective is a fantasy of straights. Leave it behind; it’s holding you so deep in the gutter that you can’t see the stars.

I’ve got a doctorate in Sexuality so I know the answer to the question. “Do bisexuals exist?” (First, why do you ask? Is it Counting Day in kindergarten? "Pick me, pick me!”) “Do bisexuals exist?” (Sliding glasses down nose, peering gently) “Really now, do you want to fuck, or do you want to sell me something?” The answer is yes, we exist -- and if you have to ask, you are not helping.

When I came out, our very lives were illegal. We fought for everyone’s freedom to choose partners without straight lines holding us back. Now we either fit into your crowd (tres high school) or cease to exist in genteel society. Denial ain’t pretty, Blanche – you’re holding a straight gay line. Your rainbow has become black and white. Let’s fix that: Now click your heels together two times (bisexually) and repeat after me: “There’s no place like Gray."

The best studies of identity panic show that denialists are the ones you meet later at the glory holes, so maybe there’s a woman in your future. If you ask the scientists, the answer is "Yes, Vagina, there is such a thing as bisexuality."

“What’s the difference between a gay guy and a straight guy?” – “You won’t find Aqua Net in the straight’s bathroom.”

Written by Robert Lawrence

(Image courtesy of Getty)

Comments

[bisexualmale]

Brilliant.
Well thought out
and written
from someone who
is actually speaking
from experience.

[Steve]

I've read both articles and frankly I think both of them are pathetic.

Instead of trying to explain their own point of view, both authors resorted to childish sexual innuendos and name calling trying to either one-up the other or just titillate readers.

So instead of having an interesting discussion on the subject of bisexuality, both authors chose to act like they were back in 3rd grade.

Some of us would actually like to read about this subject without all the juvenile showboating. So do you have any other authors who care to tackle this and argue their point from an intelligent, adult perspective or has this horse already been beaten to death. I'm guessing the latter. Way to go guys!

[makinUdrool]

I, for one, am shocked that someone actually contemplated the existence of bisexuals. To me it's the equivalent of asking, "Do redheads exist?" Well, I'm bisexual and proof that we exist. There, the argument is over and done with.

[Nathan]

Wait, makinUdrool, That's just childish. If someone doesn't understand something, you have an in depth conversation and use some valid research materials. You can't just spout something, say the conversation is over, and expect someone to think you're doing anything but being an ass is diriculous (that's "dangerously ridiculous" folks).

In fact, it's irresponsible as a member of the bi community. You want to inform people, not push them away. Calm down and try again, and this time try it seriously. The goal is to get people to accept sexuality diversity so that we no longer HAVE to be defined by membership (or non-membership) to these groups.

[Griff]

I have a friend who says he's bisexual. He likes men and boys. lol

[bisteveski]

Yes there are such things as bisexual males. I'm 45 and dated both sexes for the better part of my life.

[Joanna]

Why is it that so many people (i.e. Tim and a few others) seem to think that sexual attraction is all about sex and who you can get your hands on? It's about who you care about and want a relationship with. I for one am a bisexual female. I am in a committed relationship with a man and have been for 6 years. Never cheated, ever. Just because I'm attracted to women as well and would be open to pursuing a relationship with one of them if my current relationship didn't work out, does that make me a jerk who's out to ruin society? The only thing people seem to have against bisexual people is fear of their cheating just because they're attracted to both sexes. If a man cheats on his partner, it's cheating whether it's with a woman or a man. And for all of you who think that we claim to be bisexual in order to appear normal and claim heterosexuality while secretly practicing homosexuality as an underhanded trick, what about those of us who openly admit to our orientation just as much as people who are completely gay or lesbian? We aren't hiding behind anything. Do you see me trying to pretend anything? My boyfriend knows I'm bi, and he's fine with it, we joke about it all the time and admire women together. Contrary to ruining our relationship, it makes the bond stronger because liking women is one more thing we have in common.

[Me]

Why do people feel the need to define everything and everyone with labels? "Gay" "Bi" "Lesbian" "Transgendered"...who cares? Love is love. Why question the existance and/or validity of someone else's personal choices when it doesn't affect you in the slightest?

[Jerod]

Funny that more than once a respondent replied that men who happen to be at ease with both men and women, were "childish" to have stood up in bold terms for themselves. Considering that gay men have spent decades using "childish" attacks against men who are bi, youre getting exactly what you deserve in return. Flaming gay men seem to take a certain pride in their delusion, that if you arent like them you are somehow inferior, when in fact, it is usually the delusional participant with the plethora of baggage.

[JustAnotherGay]

My best friend (who is also my ex) is bi. I don't understand what is so hard about getting your head around that. Maybe some people need to educate themselves about the results and methods of the Kinsey Report. Or maybe they just need to spend some time getting to know their "straight" conquests. I mean, come on! If they're a guy sleeping with another guy they obviously aren't straight! But that doesn't equate with them being a closet gay either! There's always a middle ground in all things. Though such an experience may just be a stop on the way out of the closet for some it's simply an expression of bisexuality for others. I'm amazed that there is such ignorance about this that people actually feel there is a need for this discussion!

[r3gul8or]

I have no issues with who I am. I have never once cheated on anyone that I was with, yet 2 of the past relationships I was in that were with 100% gay guys, they cheated on me.

I have no problem telling people I am bi. i have no problem with having a relationship with a man or woman. Its who I want to fall in love with. Not what Tim, MSUboi or others are telling me who I have to love.

In the first op-ed I told Tim he was basically no better than the white supremacists of the 50s. I still stand by it. Its ironic that a many people in a group who has fought so hard to be recognized and allowed to have the same rights as everyone else, is so quick to dismiss, discriminate, hate, and, in Tim's words, "eradicate" a group of people who are they different from them. Why? Because they don't understand how a human can have a choice in things in their lives? So the same group that stood by you to help fight for these rights, you are just getting rid of them in the same fashion the oppressors tried to get rid of the community.

[r3gul8or]

oops, this is why you don't write responses when on flu medication.

The third paragraph should say:

.....in Tim's words, "eradicate" a group of people who are different from them.

Don't know where that extra "they" came from.

But anyways, one thing I wanted to say, but refrained from, is that I have been around a lot of minority groups who have bitched and complained about this that. A lot of it was very well warranted. But it wasn't until I started really hanging out more in the LGBT community that, and this is just my opinion I'm not trying to offend everyone, that the LGBT community is very hypocritical in the things they say and do. That doesn't mean that the whole community is this way, I just hear it more backwards and fucked up thinking in this community then in any other community I have been around.

[Jeffer]

Sex is sex... whether with a man or a woman, it's nothing more than a physical activity. I like sex... period. I don't consider myself gay, straight or bisexual.. I consider myself open minded about sex. I am not bisexual... I am sexual.

[Andrie]

Many of us are corrupted about SEX. A straight person should be pair with opposite sex not with the same sex. It does not mean that when you get married with opposite sex you could not be consider as BISEXUAL or GAY. That depend on your mental and emotional stability.

Straight person never think, never wish of having sex with same sex. If you are thinking of it then you could be consider being a bisexual....