Is There Such a Thing as Too Gay?

Admit it, you've seen some tragic queen bounding down the street, having just drank way too much at [fill in name of your favorite gay bar], screaming and cackling and shouting "hey girl! hey girl!" and you roll your eyes and turn the other way, hoping she doesn't lock onto you.

Maybe you rolled your eyes. Maybe you laughed. Maybe you cheered her on and screamed "go girl" right back. Whatever the case, does it matter how someone acts? Does any one person really represent the gay community? Can someone be -- gasp! -- too gay?

There are times in all of our lives, whether we're the most secure, successful person around or have a few too many doubts about ourselves, where we bow our head in shame at someone acting out of sorts and we get embarrassed. Not necessarily for the person who's being a jackass, but really, we're thinking, "Oh my god, all those people are staring at me! They think that I'm just like that guy!"

Truth of the matter is that yes, some people do think all gay people are alike, but most (hopefully) realize that we're a diverse group. Sure, people whose only interaction with the gay world is the news recap of the local annual Pride parade when all they see are the half-naked go-go boys or the drag queens wearing uber-platforms—those people probably do think we're a bunch of sex-crazed flamers. That's just because the news shows the most, um, colorful bits to the rest of the world.

So, is there a line that someone crosses and they become too gay? Personally, I say no. Bring it on. Be who you are. Let your freak flag fly if you want. That's the beauty of our community—we are diverse. We comprise disparate personalities and interests. But sometimes people do think someone is too gay, that they want them to tone it down. They just need to get over themselves.

I remember an episode of Will & Grace when Will takes Jack to his upscale, professional gym and is embarrassed by Jack, who is just being himself. Jack ends up overhearing Will tell Grace that Jack is "such a fag," and gets hurt. In the end, Will realizes he was projecting and was fearful of others thinking he was too gay instead of just being himself and people accepting—or not accepting—him for whoever or whatever he is.

We have to let our own personal issues go and let people be themselves. At least until they get too drunk, start acting like a fool and knock your drink out of your hand. Then you get to slap them. Just don't call them a fag. Then you'll be crossing a line.

(Image courtesy of Getty)

Comments

[alan brickman]

when they use it to critsize masc gays...cause they can mean..

[Phillip]

Too gay? Hmm.. its like telling the blacks (like me) that one is not black enough. I think its a matter of taste. There are times when i think that because of group dynamics and even things like group cohesion, i think being over the top anything makes people uncomfortable. However back to the question, i personally do not like men who are hyper feminine so for me i think that one can be "too gay" at times.

[Jack]

"We have to let our own personal issues go and let people be themselves."

I don't HAVE to do a damn thing. If someone is annoying the piss out of me, I will react as I deem appropriate, and it's none of anyone else's business.

[tj]

"Too gay"? Well wherever that area actually falls, the moment the writer used the pronoun "her" for a guy, he was in it.

[Todd]

Of course, the flamboyant guys get the most press, and the world is still thick with ignorance but we all need to stand firm against fear and intolerance.
Femmy, butch, ice scater, oil worker, middle of the road.
Don't hate yourself.
Don't hate others.
No matter how much testosterone you put off naturally, that doesn't make you a man. Grow a pair, and stand up for each other. Use your best attributes to bring safety and respect to our entire community.
That's your responsibility as as a human, and as a man.
If you are closeted, and if you resent the concept of community, you are reinforcing your own isolation. Anyone one who would shun you or ridicule you has no worth as a friend, or any real family values.
If your friends and family could handle the real you, your life in the closet may be seen as selfish and insulting. They may be, capable, and deserving of the chance to accept you.
Fight The Fear

[Steve]

Personally, I find flamboyance to be a bit contradictory to the concept of homosexuality. After all, aren't gay men into other MEN? It just seems to me that when gays call each other "girl" or run around like chicks, that you're not truly embracing what it means to be into the whole masculine thing. I find it to be in slightly bad taste myself, but... Whatever creams your twinkies guys. *shrugs*

[JEP]

Who gives a shit! Live and let live. If someone can't handle who I am and how I am then, as Cher so nicely put, FUCK'EM! I learned a long time ago not to care what anyone thinks because yes, I am Gay and yes you can tell. If the butch, wanna be's think they are any more liked by society then they're wrong. Whatever!

[Mark]

I am gay. Gay does not define who I am.

As long as a person in natural and true to themself then it's all good.
However, I can't see someone flaming being true. Don;t you have to go out of your way to act all feminine? I know if I did, it would purely be an act.

[Peter]

Yea it's really unfortunate because I see this issue come up a lot in the community and it ends up turning into self discrimination. Why should we as a group of people with common interests discriminate against one of our own for their personality? Does that not make us just like the people we're trying to stand against? Come on guys, grow up, love yourselves, and love your fellow gays, however they may act.

[Michael]

"Is There Such a Thing as Too Gay?"
I would have to say, yes. But hear me out. I completely believe in being who you are and being proud of it. I have been out for 6 years and act the way I act. I'm me and I am proud of who and what I am.
What I can't understand is that so many people decide not to be content with just that. They feel they have to be more. And not necessarily, for themselves but for others. They have to broadcast themselves and make sure everyone knows that they are gay. I've had many experiences where I have observed people who have behaved one way at home, and then something completely different in public. I've had conversations filled with hatred toward fundamentalists and how they shove their beliefs in our face and then moments later see the person or persons I am talking to, shove who they are down the throat of anyone around. In my opinion that is just wrong. Not to mention hypocritical.
So yes, I believe people can be too gay, but only when they are trying. Be who you are for you. Not for anyone else, just you. Don't feel you have to prove yourself. Whether you are feminine, masculine, a little over the top or way over the top, just be you.

[jeff]

I WAS WITH A FRIEND IN TARGET HE STARTED DANCING TO THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC IN TARGET. I STARTED WALKING AWAY AND HE GOT MAD. I ADMIT I WAS

UNCOMFORTABLE BEACUSE I DONT ACT GAY

I NEVER FELT THE NEED TO ACT GAY AND I DONT

REALLY HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE THAT

ACT GAY.

ITS JUST NOT ME

[zarxo]

This question should have been asked by Perez Hilton, with that, "just be yourself," but overtly sexual is what people tend to stereotype the gays with as being.

Gay the monk.

Gay the philosopher.

Gay the conversationalist.

Gay the slut, "Yeah, we know him."

When all states ratify our inalienable right, to be who we are, then "what shall we be then?"

[J]

Peter, I don't have to LOVE anyone just b/c we all happen to like men. I don't have to like the Latino population and culture just because I am Latino. It's all just a bunch of liberal crap. The fems are an embarrassment to the gay culture

[Joey]

Its kinda uncomfortable to be around someone who is overtly gay. Of course, Im not going to throw them into a pool of sharks. Unless they get in my face. Just kidding.

I haven't researched this honestly. However, I would like to say that it has to do with the social groups.

What I mean is that people tend to act according to their enviorment. If people are in a enviorment where they can be compleatly flamboyant and act like queens. Then they are going to. However, If they work at Target or something and they are not in a comfortable then the queen of hearts is going to jump ship before the army of card cut her.

Thats probably a bad example... Here in the United States is easier to be gay. Therefore, less tension, therefore, people can act more freely. Yet there are other parts of the world where gay men are getting their asses clued together and feed laxitives because just they are gay. Therefore they dont have the luxury to act gay.

This acting gay is just that acting gay. Its a personification of what society thinks we are and manifesting into some guys personalities. In otherwords, because people expect gay men to speak like drag queens or a bunch of princesses some boys summit to that persona sublimely because that what their little social group expects them to be.

[RandyCracker]

People can annoy you and frustrate you and act rude or thoughtless... none of this is gay behavior. Dancing in Walmart is not "gay"; I've seen straight people do it. There is a problem when you start using terms like "flaming", or "too gay," and that is the fact that a lot of homophobia comes from people who will say "Well, I have sex with people of the same gender, but at least I'm not gay." I have heard this many times. And it makes it so easy to countenance discrimination or even violence. I wonder how many of these people would be concerned about the fate of Matthew Shepherd if they had met him. "It's OK; he was so GAY." The straight world will never stop hating us until we stop hating us.

[Lance]

was this article really needed?

[w18761]

If you have to ask, then it's definitely too gay.

[Mark]

I think anyone can act however they want. Personally I'm not attracted to Fem guys, and guys that act very Fem I don't like being around for long periods, I'm gay cuz I like men not women, I don't care how anyone else acts and my faily has known that I'm gay for over 20 years so there is no insecurity problem, I like Fem guys as entertainment that's about it

[Cc1989]

Haha, I actually refuse to date people I find 'too' gay. Sometimes it is too much for me. I like to blend.

[Mike]

True, I believe people have the right to act however they want to. I also believe other people have the right to disapprove of it and walk away. Saying everyone must accept everyone else regardless of their behavior is ridiculous. Tolerance, even ignoring, it is key... but every person has the right to say "I disagree with the way you're behaving." Whether it's by actually saying it or by choosing to avoid that person. A little discrimination (that is: telling the difference between two behaviors) is key to diversity. If everyone can be everything and everyone else must accept it blindly.... where is the diversity? I discriminate between my friends, and choose the ones who align with my personality. Everyone else has the same choice.

[Brandon]

The short answer to the question is "yes, someone can be 'too gay.' " It is one thing to be yourself and be one of those fabulously gay individuals that is not out there to make a scene and announce your sexuality to everyone in your immediate vicinity. It is a whole other matter when you start being loud, limp-wristed, and obnoxious just to get people to pay attention to the fact that you are gay and proud. There's a fine line between being yourself and putting on a show to grab attention. That's where the line between just being "gay" and being "too gay" is.

[Mike]

Lemme ask you this: Is there such a thing as "not enough gay?" I'd like to see as many people in the gay community supporting guys (and girls) who feel divided from the gay community because they're just everyday people who don't feel that their sexuality is a large part of who they are. It's not that they're closet-cases or homophobic... they just don't feel the urge to be flamboyant. Believe it or not, a person can choose not to participate in the gay community and still be a very stable, happy, and sexually content person.

[-T]

It never ceases to amaze me the homophobia within the gay community. It truly is so much self hatred I just can't imagine. There is such a thing as being "too gay" (meaning too effeminate) when it is not who you are. If you do it to fit in, then it is "too" much because you aren't being true to yourself. There is such a thing as being "too butch", "too flakey", "too slutty" and "too anything you want". It's about letting go of your past and doing something because it is an expression of who you are. There is a big difference between liking and respecting. If a person is that way by nature, allow them to be. You don't have to like it. If you want to avoid them, go somewhere else. I have found many a butch "straight-acting" gay getting just as annoying fratty as the flaming queen. So, very few are in a camp all alone. Everyone annoys someone; it's part of life. If you can move on from that, allow people to be who they are, and take a deep hard look at why you don't like something... you may find it bothers you because it scares you just like the article says or else you would find it to be just kind of annoying but easily let go. Don't let your own fears or homophobia show, boys. It's not very becoming...

[Micheal]

some guys are TOO GAY...they fem out that there is no straights in the world...it's embarASSing...we are gay, but we don't have to tell everyone to a colourful way. SOme guys are to gay for the gsy world. It's just...Impassible.

Gay people should be like others...not flowerly screaming it out...that's why the straight people don't like most of us and why gay bashing is high...leave it close shaven...don't scream and talk so loud...we are here and queer just don't make it here(out loud)

[gary]

i grew up obviously gay and was a target many times....

i saw horrors perpetrated on gay men many times so i retreated and had no choice but to agree because i was outvoted.

I moved far away and I chuckle how people who meet me now think I am straight acting. I really didn't plan it that way....it just happened.

I can see both sides......

I have also learned that not everything is as it seems.....before the internet it fooled me for years

[Fine]

Over the top behaviour is often a sign of neediness. I don't appreciate that behaviour in anyone -- gay, straight, bi, whatever. That doesn't mean you can't engage in it. If you need to be heard that badly, go for it. But it also doesn't mean that I have to like it. I can certainly respect you - and your rights - without respecting your behaviour.

[Brian]

I never comment on these things because I generally dont care that much. But when I read all these hypocritical comments from the "butch" and "straight acting" dicks I just have to respond. You're not better than any other fag just because you can "pass" as heterosexual. Your preference sexually for more butch men doesnt make you by extension a more respectable person in anyone elses eyes. You're queer just like every other "flamer". There's no such thing as TOO gay, if a lisping queen screeching "hey girl" at the top of his lungs makes you uncomfortable that is your issue, and maybe you should look into that. Now wheres the article titled "How butch is TOO butch and why do douchebags feel the need to act 'straight' to get acceptance where they're never going to find it"?

[KniteShayd]

I don't project my issues. If someone is being a fag, then they are being a fag. Plain and simple. I don't have an insecurity about people acting femme, so I don't feel that when I do say someone is being faggy, a queen, femmey, flamboyant, flamin', or anything else I am just simply stating the obvious. And occassionally, my annoyance.
Being proud of who you are is one thing, but being an attention whore who loves the drama of being martyred cuz they intentionally make themselves a tagret for over-doing it, is certainly another...

[John The Big Gay Bear]

Ok, there's being gay, there's being fem, & then there's being a walking talking stereo-type that I just wanna bitch slap because they give every other Mary a bad name. This is basically how I feel when ANYONE ridgedly conforms to ANY stereo-type as if they were playing a character. It's like being a poser, nobody respects posers. Now myself, I go from butch professional with a touch of fem flare by day but get a couple of drinks in me, play some hot music, & start flirting with me & I turn into Mary Queen of Scotts with a lisp that sounds like steam escaping. It's something I can't quite explain but I think it has something to do with butch being my professional side, fem being the party queen, & the rest of the time being some where in between. Long comment short (too late!), no such thing as being too gay but please don't be a walking talking stereo-type so I don't have to scratch your eyes out.

[Truckyoulent]

There is a point where someone's too gay. The defense that saying so has more to do with one's own personal insecurities or self-hatred don't really stand if you don't identify with obnoxious (and ostentatious) public displays that give new meaning to "two steps forward, three steps back." I personally have never liked being pigeonholed as one and the same as the more visible of the flock. My sexuality is an important part of my personality, but it's not all there is to who I am. The more we defend one-dimensional caricatures of homosexuality, the longer the majority of us will stand under the shadow of an unfair and inaccurate stereotype. To stubbornly defend this situation is to say you don't want to be seen as a relatable human being, you just want to be seen.

[Rain City Blues]

Too gay? More like not gay enough.

I've always had a soft spot for femme guys. Obnoxious drunks of any kind are irritating, yes, and that's true if they're butch too. The scene you described above of the drunken queen stumbling down a street shouting at you is less embarrassing to me than some drunken frat boy grabbing his balls and shouting "who let the dogs out".

When I very first came out of the closet over 20 years ago, life was kinda rough. I grew up in industrial steel mill towns in the Midwest and the South, and there were very clearly defined roles for how boys were supposed to act. I had to conform to those roles as a little kid and before I came out, and it sucked-I was always worried about what people thought of me and was I man enough. After I came to grips with being gay, I didn't feel like those rules applied to me anymore-I was free from all that crap, you know? I could be whatever I wanted to be, because what's the worst they could call me if I did? Where I grew up, being called 'gay' or 'faggot' was the worst insult possible. And when that ceased to be an insult for me, it didn't matter to me anymore if that's what people called me.

It all seems so stupid anyway. I have a much larger than average Adam's Apple so it's kinda obvious that I'm a boy when you look at me. Why should I have to prove what anybody can tell just by looking? I have nothing to prove to anyone.

For some odd reason, I attract alot of guys who are looking for 'rugged' or 'masc' men, and they want me to be that for them. I'm tall, I work out every morning and I jog for fun most nights, so I guess I kinda look the part. I'm always turned off by that, though. It always seems like bullshit, like you're going back into the closet in a way, like you're really just some coward that can't risk letting your hair down in public and hoisting a middle finger to the world if the world has a problem with you being yourself. I have more respect for a 6' tall drag queen that goes marching down Canal Street in a dress and a wig than I do for leather daddies, because if you have the balls to do that, especially down here in the South, you have more balls than the cowardly little leather boys and the wannabe jocks hiding under their baseball caps, hoping nobody sees them when they slink into the bar.

Nah man, give me a femme boy anyday. Someday when I settle down and get married, I want to have the most fabulous queen in town for my husband. And I'll be proud to be seen in public with him. I've never hidden my sexuality, and as a result, I have nothing to lose if anybody finds out.

And you have no idea how good that feels. Nobody can hurt you once you've made your mind up to be free.

[Danyl]

No matter what social circle u're in, there's always some discrmination of some kind. It's just the way of the world. It just goes to show you the reason why people CAN'T just get a long. This person prefers these kind of people to hang around them, and don't prefer this kind of person to hang around them.

It's just the way things are. If you think about that general principle and apply it to ALL the things that happen in the world that cause chaos and fragmentation in cultures and socail groups, then you see why everyone is so segregated. There is no unified consciousness ANYWHERE.

It's too bad. I have a diverse group of friends and people of different cultures and behaviors. And I've learned valuable things from each and every one of them.

It's too bad that someone's dialogue they use, or body language, or whether they're masc or fem decides whether we want to associate with someone. That makes us just as bad as someone who doesn't want us to get married. See, once we get of the internal bigotry in our community, and truly be able to accept our fellow "brothers & sisters" only then will everyone else accept us as well.

[Brad]

I don't really have a problem with incredibly flaming guys, except for the fact that they're often really annoying. Any extreme personality can have the tendency to become abrasive.

As for the "Will & Grace" reference, I think that hardly represents the majority of us. Most people in the gay community can accept that there's a lot of dynamic in our community. That show's a joke anyway. It only shows gay people in a way that straight people want to see gay people.

[AngelicBitch]

SO like another fellow poster, I too never comment on these things. I just want to say that I am a feminine gay male and I am absolutely appalled that there was even an article written in the 1st place about "being too gay" there's a total difference between, putting on a facade and being a effeminate or who you are. Yes, there is more to the gay community than high heels and cher, but what all of you fucking assholes need to realize is that effeminate gay males are apart of the gay community as well whether you fucking like or not! Who are you to say you're better than me just because you "act like a real man"? I'll tell you something, I may not be butch at all, but I sure as hell have way more strength courage and bravery than most other "real men" I meet. So do me a favour and get the hell over yourselves. While you're hidden away trying desperately to BLEND into the crowd, all the fems are out there on the front lines actually fighting against haters. Only thing is we're just fighting haters from the straight community, we have uptight asshole's who think that being "straight acting" is better, agaist us as well. So I ask you this, if all you "straight-acting" men are so much better than the fems, why are the fems doing all the fighting?

[Tom]

Seriously guys, get over yourselves. As long as you act the way you want to act and or are true to yourself, who the hell cares? I have a pretty high pitched voice, i call my friends "bitch" and "gurl" and queen out sometimes, but hey, I play football, run, drink beer, belch, and go to football and baseball games. So who is to judge who is butch or not? Seriously guys, get the fuck over yourselves!

[Alan Brown]

Oh, brother.

Lets just accept people as they are or as they choose to be, as long as they are not hurting others.

Me thinks some people feel the need to go out of their way to point out what they think about people with this particular blend of human characteristics. Perhaps these are the same people that wait until its fashionable to accept someone before they bother.

[onya]

love it or hate it we have to remember that we are all out for the same thing and thats to be accepted and have the same rights as the straight community so when we hate on each other we just give them more power to keep us from what we want I'm not saying that you have to love everyone you meet but i think we should try to treat each other with a little respect and realize that we are all different from each other and thats not just homosexuals its ppl all together think of it this way there is something good about each group str8 acting and fem i mean if you go to a gay owned body shop to get your car worked on that guy would most likely be butch but if you go to get a hair cut he'll more likely be fem and both are really great talents it was said along time ago that in cooking it takes alot of flavors to make a dish taste good and thats just like life everyone has something diff to bring to the table

[Patrick Orr]

Personally, I'm gay. Saying that, when looking for a guy, I want to go out with a guy, not a girl.

So yes, you can be too gay.

[Jordan]

It's a touchy subject, telling someone that they are too anything. I've never come to a situation where, someone acting too gay has hurt me in any way, yes i have been embarrassed by some of my friends when they are being too gay. We were at a restaurant and ANYONE could tell that my friend is gay... i just wanted for at least a little while to not be noticed as anything, i just want to have dinner and blend in (not that i dont like to stand out on occation), but my friend kept flirting with the waiter and he had to tell my friend to stop and that it was making him uncomfortable. Like i said, touchy subject... i love my Fem, gay friends... but i'm not really fem myself... until what they do or anyone else who is OVER THE TOP or TOO extreme, hurts me or other people somehow then I say let them be and appreciate them for who they are and learn from them. Oh and the guy in the black and white photo is SEXY, i'd rather talk about him for 30 min. :D

[greyhound1954]

You can't be "too gay" if you are behaving as you always do. If you're bothered that another person is a flamer or somehow too obviously gay, well that's too bad for you. You don't have to socialize with anyone who rubs you the wrong way; but if you choose to publicly demonize these people, then you are more of a discredit to gays than anyone else.

[GJ]

Guys somewhere along the way different character types have been created that make up the gay community. I really don't understand femme men. Being gay has nothing to do with being femme. Gay just means you have sex with the same. It's that simple,nothing more...........not sure where the girly man came from. Times are changing perhaps gays need to look at changing too, we no longer have to put on a show, so many don't care anymore because society is learning that there are "mainstream" gay men out there that are no different than themselves, except for what is going on in the bedroom. Perhaps it's the "mainstream" gays that are doing the most in the fight for our rights. Living life like everyone else, and not in some spectacle called a parade. And not the showgirls of yester year. As we continue to see gay bars close across the country. Perhaps there is a section of gays that are just becoming extinct.

[Linda]

Just what is "acting gay" or "acting straight"? I think it's so unfortunate that stereotypes define us all. A few years back when my son was in high school I would hear all his friends use "that's so gay" or "faggot" as nearly the worse insult to each other, sometimes in a really haphazard way. As far as I know, they were all straight (my son is). I finally sat him down one day and told him that using that as an insult, in that derogatory way, was wrong... and to stop doing it. A short time later when I came out to him... he said "no wonder you didn't want me saying that." When it's personalized it was different for him. I think he said something to his friends... a while after that one of them asked me if I was a "kyke"... I gently educated the kid on terminology, improper and otherwise. I know this is a bit off topic, so forgive the intrusion. It continues to be unfortunate that people have to "act" any particular way.

[Daniel]

Wow, a community of people repressed for ages by the mainstream world being utterly mean and repressive to each other. Its correct, no one can make anyone do anything. That's not even here nor there. Just as I want to live in a world where gays don't have to be in the closet because of repressive attitudes of the mainstream I also want to live in a world where masculine gays aren't nasty pricks to effeminate gays just because they can do what they want. All humans should be able to live their lives without someone hating on them. I personally have felt uncomfortable around feminine guys myself but I recognize that is my own problem and not theirs. Many effeminate guys have been so since they were little kids and are not just putting on an over the top gay act. It is not the over-the-topness of effeminate behavior, for many guys get uncomfortable with effeminate guys who are behaving in otherwise kind and respectful manners. If you are masculine then man up and not let the discomfort of effeminate behavior for you turn you into a nasty creep. All people deserve compassion and understanding. You can be in your masculine click and avoid effeminate guys just don't feel the need to spew hate towards them. It's true we can chose our associations however we want lets just not feel the need to be repressive to people we don't understand. It is not right for straights to dislike gays for liking men and it is not right for masculine gays to dislike feminine gays for acting to feminine. We all are struggling against something so I can't put up with any form of blind hate and intolerance and none of us should (yes, I realize that there are assholes that will continue to be mean and that I can't control that).

[Alex]

I don't really care how people act, but there is a difference between being yourself and purposely acting out to draw attention. They shouldn't even call it fem. The "fem" that we know is in no way connected to being female. I don't know any women who act that way. If I did, they would irritate the shit out of me. So yeah, you can be too outrageous.

[TheLordofWales]

The problem is a larger social one.
Gay rights issues would have have been much further along had the gay community made themselves appear normal to the rest of the straight community.
What "fags" do on our own time wouldn't be that embarrassing if they weren't the image that most straight people have.
Would you want to give employments rights to sex crazed leather bears who are intent on showing their sexual sides in public? Especially teachers!
Would you want to give marriage rights to people with obvious drug abuse problems and psychological disorders?
Well that's EXACTLY what straight people think! They don't see Republican Joe the accountant in a happy home with Sam the attorney his husband.
It's not that you're different, it's that (to the straight community) you're sick!
I wouldn't want to authorize Gay Marriage any more than I would want to authorize schizophrenic marriage.

And a PRIDE PARADE?
Are you kidding me?
It's the media showing off these images. It's he gay community working against itself.

To use a Queer As Folk reference.
Hey Gay Community ...
Stop being like Michael and ranting obnoxiously.
Be more like Brian Kinney with shrewd negotiation and marketing skills.

[Alex]

Dramatically swishy, feminine behavior that can't be turned off at will is a sign of social maladjustment, and is a massive personality flaw.

I don't associate with people who irritate me and refuse to admit that being gay doesn't mean "being in touch with your feminine side."

[Anthony]

the comments in this article hurts me, as a gay identified male.

what the fuck is too gay?

as a matter of fact... what really is being a man?

isn't the ballet, dancing queen just as much as a guy as the sporty football playing jock? i think so.

[Steven]

AngelicBitch:

RIGHT ON SISTER!

The fruity bois walking down the street by themselves are the brave ones, not the "straight acting" butch bottoms hiding behind cragslist!

[Greg]

Act however you want, but no one's obligated to like it. I'm middle of the road myself as I don't claim to be "butch" or "fem". I also think "straight acting" is retarded. You think I'm not being myself when I just so happen to blend in with the "straights"? I know sometimes it sucks that I actually have to tell (or in some instances convince) others I'm gay. Keep in mind not all of us TRY to blend in--we just do--so don't get all pissy that we don't "fight the fight" by running around shirtless and painted pink screaming at bigots like some deranged idiot. I'm fairly conservative by nature, so all the fabulous frills and outlandish flamboyant behavior don't appeal to me.

The idea of "too gay" is up to the discretion of the beholder. Someone who makes me feel butch is too gay for me to date. So what if that's my hangup? It's what I prefer, and I'm sure you as an individual have preferences, too. It's something that *gasp* makes us different! Flamboyance just puts me off, and even though I have a lot of flamer friends, I'd never date any of them.

[imrobert]

"Act Gay"? Is that like "Straight Acting"? If you are "acting" in a manner to be perceived as straight, that would seem to indicate that your are pretending to be straight when you are not. There is a wide spectrum of characteristics that are viewed as masculine to feminine. Those characteristics are the natural course of things. When a guy describes himself as "straight acting" rather than masucline or butch, etc. it reflects his own homophobia about who he really is. Masculine away, but don't put yourself and other Gay men down by reinforcing the idea that "acting straight" ("Straight Acting") is preferable to just being who you are. You can be a masculine Gay man and not have to "act" the role.