They're the Total Package. Why Are They Single?

Sometimes you meet people who immediately engage you. You're taken by their energy, their good looks, their kindness. They talk to you—not at you. They ask you questions, are genuinely interested in finding out about you. You learn about them. They have a great job, have loads of friends, always are doing interesting things. But then you find out they're single, and have been for a long time.

This is when you hit the brakes. "If you're single, what chance do I have?" you might ask if you, too, are single. There are people out there who could qualify as being the "total package": great personality, good looks, successful. And when you find out they're single, you have to scratch your head. Sometimes they choose to be single, that their life is better when they're free to do whatever they want. But other times, they can't seem to make it click. Why is this?

I have a few friends—both gay and straight, male and female—who are in their mid- to late-30s and can't seem to make a relationship flourish. Some of them are totally ok with that, but others are depressed and really want to find a partner to share their life with. Why is it that there are people who are always in a relationship and they're possibly the most annoying people you encounter in your life? How is it that someone who grates on your nerves is able to get a boyfriend or girlfriend and the ones who are deemed a great catch continue to remain single?

So what do you think: Are these people afraid to commit or are they just better off being single?

(Images courtesy of Getty)

Comments

[Matt Desmond]

Honestly, if they are intriguing enough to be deemed, "A great catch", they probably don't click with people because they are unique. Someone who has a great job, great house and great friends might have this impulsive need to spend the waking hours helping foster kids. That in and of itself is very intimidating to most guys because they instantly judge themselves by that standard. Either they can't deal with the comparison or they realize someone who is that devoted to a cause outside of themselves is completely different in their thought process. People innately know if someone orbits their globe of thinking. I know if I met someone who supported the ban on gay marriage, flags would tell me this person is different and probably not someone I want to fall in love with regardless of how hot, sexy or successful he was.

[Derrick]

This is not an uncommon occurance. People might be viewed as a total package and intimidating to others. I know several guys/girls in this catetgory and they have their lives so together it pushes people away who think, "I won't live up to his/her expectations."

I think the saddest part of this is that those people we put up on that pedistal most often wouldn't choose to be there at all. In many cases they've organized their lives, done the personal psychological work to be ready, open and available for a great relationship - not because they'd rather be alone.

I think that when we encounter these "total packages" and wonder, "how/why are they single?" we should just pause and ask them. If our hesitancy is coming from a place of insecurity then its time for us to do some work on our self-image.

I think people meet and enter into relationships for a variety of reasons. Some of the people who are perpetually in relationships do so at self-sacrafice, look the other way on items others wouldn't tolerate, or bring a degree of codependency and unhealthy psychology with them. I don't envy those relationships - I'm happily single and waiting to cross paths with the guy that will be a great partner. I know I'm not perfect, don't expect him to be but look forward to making our relationship "perfect" for the two of us as it develops.

[Michelle]

Perhaps these are individuals who are able to find happiness within themselves, than to seek it externally, say...from relationships. Too many of us think that a huge sign of success is being in a relationship. I'd like to suggest that once we have a quality relationship with ourselves and find what we need, within--it becomes much more likely we'll be able to attract the perfect person into our life, and when it happens-it's that much sweeter.

[mike]

I love this article!...........Actually i wish i was ugly..........ugly people seem to have a better chance at meeting there mr. right.

[Jae]

I totally agree with Mike!

Sometimes I ask myself, why is it that these people can have successful relationships and I don't? I see so many unattractive people in relationships, and they seem happy.

As for handsome, and attractive successful men, it's a bit different. I think it all goes back to what Derrick said though, "People might be viewed as a total package and intimidating to others". They don't think they can live and/or match up to assumed expectations.

[Michael]

Mike & Jae...guys, you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. Speaking from the perspective of an ugly man, sex/romance is a bitch. I'm well educated, have a great career & loads of friends, am involved in the community - basically a great life. Everyone values me for my kindness, intelligence and sense of humor, but that pretty much always leads to the inevitable, "your sweet, but..." I get blown off ALL of the time by other guys and have been celibate for years as a result. It is a source of much pain to know that my friends are getting laid when I am jerking off. Value your beauty; it makes life easier.

[Cosmetic Dentistry San Antonio]

I have a couple of friends who are like this. Most of the time, they are deemed as "intimidating" and "unattainable." Some people even believe that they are more suited to be friends than to be in a relationship with.