Is Aging Harder When You're Gay?

Last week my partner and a friend both told me, almost simultaneously, that I had a few gray hairs coming in on the side of my head. Instead of realizing I often think that men with some salt-and-pepper are sexy and maybe I, too, could be sexy, my first thought was to panic and think I had to color my hair and maybe go blond ... again. Then I came to my senses and remembered getting older isn't a bad thing. It happens to everyone. But can everyone age gracefully? Is there such a thing as "gayging" gracefully?

As gay men, we worry about getting older more than our straight brethren. We go to the gym, eat healthier, use moisturizer and then fret we don't look good enough. We complain we're too fat or too frumpy and then go eat a big piece of chocolate cake and wash it down with a beer.

Of course this doesn't happen to everyone; but it's a pervasive attitude in the gay community. Especially among a sect of gays who primp until the cows come home. There are some gay men who put everything into their looks and attempt to use that to get ahead in life. Then one day, people don't pay as much attention.

What happens when our looks start to fade and the magic slips away, when those once-sexy "smile lines" turn to serious wrinkles and our once-flat stomachs start to move south and protrude? Is there still hope for love and acceptance beyond our outer layers? There comes a time in every gay man's life when he has to ask himself: Am I too old for Abercrombie? Generally speaking, yes. And if you don't think to ask, then you are. And yes, you look ridiculous.

There's nothing wrong with aging. As gay men, hell as men, we have an advantage. Men tend to age better—assuming you take care of yourself or you're blessed with good genes, or both. I know a guy from my dog park who I recently found out is close to 70. My jaw hit the floor and snapped back up and smacked me in the face. I thought he was maybe mid-50s. He's in great shape and I know he exercises. The only thing that shows his age is his griping. He's a bit of a curmudgeon, but you know ... he's earned it.

The rest of us? We have to take stock of what we have and make the most of it. If you were a beauty queen when you were younger, get over yourself. It's time to realize there's more to life than just looking pretty. Hopefully your life has something, anything, you can be proud of. Look around you. Realize life can be great at any age, no matter how you look.

Ah, who am I kidding? I'm going to moisturize and get my beauty sleep.

Comments

[Franck Loctin]

In a certain way I am not so pessimistic as in Asia for example to becoming "older" with grey or white hair is similar with “a great and long life experience" which is nice and recognized by local people even in the gay world !

[kory]

i think that we waste our lives thinking about our age and the younger the gay man the worse it is i'm almost 30 and i still get mistaken for my early 20's to my teens but thats just in my dna i personaly feel if we pay attention to things in life that truely matter and relize age is more of a sign of growth and wisdom and exspiriance we will come to find that getting older is actualy kindda cool

[cbdcs4u]

I will be 73 come this fall. It ain't like being 30...but it ain't bad! LOL

[David]

If you want to color your hair color it, if you like it salt and pepper so be it..
The bottom line is being confortable with yourself and no matter what at times you will not be. Beaty is not just an obsession of gay men, it is a global obsession and it is not going to change tomorrow either.
Do something useful for someone else and you will feel better and perhaps like yourself better..

[Nathan]

Aging is too much of a commodity to have to deal with it at a personal level: we tend to buy into youthful looks in an effort to avoid the process.

What I find most vexing - at the venerable age of 47 - is that men my age don't want...men my age!!!

My last 3 partners have been years younger than me, and each time I have gone into the relationship knowing full well that my perspective on life differs accutely with theirs. And this has been a hindrance to sharing. And to be honest I was never comfortable with the relationship, nor will I ever be with someone who has yet to achieve a depth and breadth of experience comparable to mine.

But men I meet who are 40-49 tend to want younger and are unsettled in their commitment.

I guess I have known that reaching 40 would be a ritualistic trial. Insofar as my age group are already settled with their life partners, or the single ones are out to find someone younger. Whatever the case maybe, I have learnt to accept that I wont get the man I want: ergo I will learn to be happy with myself as is - wysiwyg!

[Fitzer75]

I've been on both sides....I'm 52 and nearly completely gray. I've been gray since I was 21, but colored my hair for years. I've never been the "typical gay male", I'm not a "pretty boy". I colored my hair because it made me feel better about my outward appearance. Right up until I had a hospital stay, found out living was much more important than the color of my hair. So I stopped the color & now I have the prettiest silver hair I never thought I'd like. And you know what? I feel good about me. That's all that matters.

[Edgar Borja]

I am looking for someone in mexico... i will like to have a good time...

ebr9_69@hotmail.com